How do you rely on anyone who is not you?
Love, affection, adoration..? Maybe, but these are not enough to put your confidence in another person. If you are able to rely on someone for everything in your life, without questioning their judgment, it is because you trust them.
Trust is what cements the foundation of every relationship and plays a significant role in developing secure and healthy relationships (1). When there is a lack of trust between a couple, it gives rise to problems.
In this MomJunction post, we talk about trust issues in a relationship, the signs that indicate trust issues, the reasons behind them, and how to fix them.
What Are Trust Issues?
Trust issues tend to crop up when certainty leaves your relationship and insecurity seeps in, affecting your reasoning. Trust issues do not necessarily mean suspecting your partner about something. It could also mean that you are cautious, open up slowly, hesitate to speak your heart, and not rely too much on your partner.
A study on distrust also revealed that trust issues in a relationship would eventually give rise to adverse behavioral patterns such as jealousy, suspicion, and negative actions (1). Keep reading to know more about the signs that suggest you and your partner have trust issues.
5 Signs You May Have Trust Issues
There are certain signs or behavior patterns that signify a person is having trust issues. Modifying those behaviors in time can help save the relationship.
1. Over-Controlling your Partner
Are you proactively or unknowingly setting boundaries for your partner? Are you monitoring your partner’s social media statuses, and even texts and calls? If you are nodding your head in consent, it could be a sign that you don’t trust your partner enough.
2. Expect Negative or Worst
Your partner is home late because they had work to finish. But you think they are someplace other than the office, and that something is wrong about their behavior.
Or, you think your partner is texting another person every time they start using their mobile phone. And when they ask you for a simple favor, casually, you think they are using you.
If you could relate to these statements, then there is a lack of trust in your relationship.
3. Sad and Isolated
Do you always feel that your partner is lying or hiding something from you? Do you fear that your relationship is losing its charm? Such thoughts, if persistent, can end up making you sad and depressed. And when you cannot open up and talk about your feelings with your partner, you may feel isolated or alone. The fact that you cannot be yourself and don’t trust your beloved even with simple things indicates a lack of trust.
4. Confused about the Relationship
Are you having second thoughts about your relationship right now? Are you always stressed out due to some ambiguity about your relationship status? If yes, chances are you don’t trust each other to move ahead in the relationship and don’t know where you stand or which way to go.
5. Testing your Partner
Do you want to know where your partner is or what he or she is doing at all times? Do you keep calling or texting them now and then to check on them? If yes, you probably have a hard time taking their word for it and have the urge to check on them constantly, because you can’t trust them for some reason.
Ever wonder why you have such a hard time trusting your partner? What could be the reasons for these issues to pop up in a relationship?
Causes Of Trust Issues In A Relationship
Everyone’s story is different. And the reasons that make one less trusting of other people depend on the experiences they have had. Here, we list some of the common reasons a person could have trust issues in a relationship.
1. Bad Relationships in the Past
Not every relationship goes as planned. Some could fail. If you or your partner had been through a rough past where you were hurt by a lying, cheating, or abusive ex, then you are likely to have certain trust issues in the current relationship. These, when not addressed, could prevent you from enjoying the joys of a healthy relationship.
2. Childhood Trauma
A depressing childhood could be another reason for distrust. Witnessing the parents fight, physical abuse, dealing with a parent’s anger issues, separated or divorced parents could be some of the things from the past that could scar you and affect your ability to trust your partner.
Fear of losing control in the relationship could give rise to trust issues in a relationship. To stay in control and hold the reins of your relationship, you could become dominant and monitor your partner regularly, leading to arguments and debates.
4. Lack of Communication
Not spending enough time talking or communicating with each other can lead to misunderstandings, which can give rise to trust issues. Also, not talking to each other could lead to unreasonable expectations and disappointments, which further break the trust between the two.
5. Accident or loss of a family member
Losing a loved one or having a near-death experience in an accident could leave you scarred in life. Such experiences make you over-protective of yourself and your partner. The fear of losing your life or a loved one again could be one of the reasons that prevent you from trusting that your partner can take care of themselves or you.
Trusting can be difficult if your partner had cheated on you before, but you forgive them and decided to give your relationship a second chance. No matter how hard you try to believe that your partner is a changed person and will not cheat on you again, you will have some difficulty trusting them completely.
Whatever might be the cause, the good thing is that it is possible to overcome these issues and keep your relationship healthy.
How To Overcome Trust Issues?
“Turn your wounds into wisdom.” – Oprah Winfrey
Knowing what triggers these trust issues is essential to fix them and move ahead in the relationship.
1. Forget and forgive
We all make mistakes. To forget and forgive what happened in the past, you need to stick to the present. Holding on to the pain from the past would not only hurt you but also damage your relationship. Try to let go of the past wounds and live freely with your partner, family, and friends. Leave the past behind and move ahead.
No matter how busy you are, it is essential to take some time out for your loved one. Open up and talk to your partner as much as you can. At the same time, listen to what they have to say without being judgmental. Open and honest communication will help you understand each other better. Talk about your day, share secrets, tell how much you love, show care, and do everything that can make your bond stronger.
3. Stop the blame game
Fights and disagreements are normal in a relationship. But when something goes wrong, try to deal with it in a mature way, instead of blaming your partner or breaking up. Blaming, quarreling, and staying away from each other will aggravate the problem and bring down the trust factor. Try to sit down, discuss the problem, and resolve it. This could help in regaining the lost trust.
4. Talk to a counselor
If you are unable to resolve your trust issues on your own, talk to a therapist or a counselor. There’s absolutely nothing wrong in seeking professional help to understand the cause of your unhappiness. Therapists could provide the right guidance that you need to mend your relationship.
As the saying goes, ‘it’s never too late.’ If you love your partner, you can still fix those trust issues and fill the gap with warmth and endearment. Everyone, including you, deserves another chance. And as Maya Angelou rightly said, ”Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.”
Do you have any other tips to fix trust issues in a relationship? Do share them with us in the comment section below.