A break-up is a low phase in life that can affect anyone. There is no doubt that break-ups can be painful. Often, you are filled with negative emotions, and you start feeling angry, sad, lonely, and lost, all at the same time. This barrage of emotions in your head can leave you exhausted. However, there is a way out of this dark tunnel. Do not wallow in self-pity, and make an effort to come out of it.
How do you recover after a break-up? We have some simple yet effective list of do’s and dont’s that can help you deal with heartbreak.
20 Dos After A Break-up
1. Allow yourself to be sad
The first thing you feel after a break-up is immense sadness. And it is absolutely fine to feel so. You invested your time, and you have put your heart and soul in the relationship, and therefore, it is natural to feel bad when it is over. Go ahead and sob as much as you want. If possible, take a day or two off and try to sort your feelings. Watch a sad movie and cry your eyes and heart out. And once it is done, feel relieved and not bad about it.
2. Write down the reasons why it did not work
Take a paper and a pen or open a word document and write down all the reasons why the relationship did not work. Write down even the smallest of negative points that comes to your mind. You must know why the relationship was not meant for you and why it is a blessing that it is over. Keep this list safe and reach out for it whenever you feel sad about the break-up.
3. Accept that it is over
Once you know why the person was not right for you, it will be a lot easier to come to terms with the fact that it is over. You shared wonderful moments, but it is over now. Accept the truth and move on.
4. Try music therapy
From Madonna to Taylor Swift and Michael Buble to Ed Sheeran, almost every artist has penned a song for the heartbroken. Look for songs that appeal the most to you. Remember that probably a break-up inspired your favorite artists to write such moving songs. If they can get over it, so can you. Also, try penning down your feelings. That gives you clarity, which helps in sorting out and dealing with your emotions better.
5. Clean out the junk
If you have your partner’s belongings with you, return it, or give it away. If they have gifted you something that will remind you of them, get rid of it. Even if the gift is an amazing coffee maker, sell it on eBay, get yourself a new one, and see how your coffee starts tasting better.
6. Clean out your social media
If you posted your pictures with him on Instagram or Facebook, it is time to remove them from all your accounts. The longer you have them on social media platforms, the harder it gets to move on in life. The images will remind you of the good times you have spent together, and you may start missing your partner and eventually try to contact them.
7. Keep a safe distance from social media
When you remove your couple pictures from social media, people may get curious and message you to know what happened. So, stay away from social media for a while. You do not need to hide, but keep a low profile as it will help in your recovery from the heartache.
8. Make plans with friends
Talk to trusted friends and share your pain. This can act as an effective therapy. Your friends may give you a fresh perspective on your break-up, which can make things clearer for you. If you do not intend to discuss your break-up, then chill out with your friends. This will help you get your mind off negative feelings.
9. Develop a new routine
All this while, your life must have revolved around your ex. Now, dedicate time to yourself. You can start a new skin regime or a diet plan, or anything that is different and healthier from your usual routine.
10. Start working out
A healthy body is a healthy mind. Exercise helps you maintain a good physique and lifts your mood. Take out your jogging shoes and start going for daily walks, or hit the gym to burn extra calories.
11. Join a skill development class
You may be good at drawing but never cared to hone your skills before. Since you may have more time for yourself, pick up the brush, and paint your heart out. Cooking, baking, dancing, or anything that you have a knack for, try getting better at it. If you need help, join a class.
12. Cultivate a hobby
If you do not wish to join a class, then cultivate a new hobby or revive an old one. You may love collecting records or enjoy gardening, go ahead and do it. Do something you have been neglecting for a while. Do something that you enjoy doing.
13. Travel to a new destination
Travel companies offer many packages meant for solo travelers. If you cannot find a travel partner, find yourself a good travel package that will help you explore a new place and refresh your mind.
14. Foster a pet
Pet animals are known to shower unconditional love. If you live in an area that has a ‘Foster A Pet’ facility, you can try taking care of a pet for a few days. Pets can act as an effective therapy. They can help you overcome your deep sense of loneliness in your life. You can even pet a dog at a nearby park or play with a pet owned by someone you know.
15. Read a book
A good book can be the best stress buster. Go on Goodreads or join a book club, and learn what other avid readers are reading and recommending. Get yourself a good book that will transport you to a different world.
16. Focus on the positive things in your life
When you are low, it is easy to cry and regret things that you do not have in life. Instead, look at what you have in life and be grateful for it. Appreciate little things that make you happy. Be nice to those who have supported you through a tough time, and be kind to those who need some kindness. Try to become an even more positive and better person.
17. Forgive yourself and let go
In a bid to make yourself feel better, do not try to make some extreme changes to your body — such as getting a nose job or implants. If your partner found you inadequate in any way, it is their problem, not yours. You may not be their idea of ‘perfect,’ but you surely are perfect in someone else’s eyes. Remember, getting fitter or getting into shape should be out of self love and improvement rather than out of revenge.
18. Remember what you learned from the relationship
Instead of feeling sad about the break-up, try to look at what the whole experience taught you. Acknowledge how the relationship contributed to your personal growth. If need be, write down the mistakes you made and promise never to repeat them. Move on with a clean heart.
19. Cherish your newfound singledom
There is no reason to feel bad about being single. Singles are cool. Before, you may not have had the time to indulge in some self-love. Now is the time – grab it, and cherish it while it lasts. Remember, you can flirt guilt-free! So, make most of this opportunity.
20. Seek professional help
If nothing works, try talking to a professional therapist. Do not hesitate to seek help. A professional counselor may help you tap those unresolved issues and might offer you a good solution to deal with it.
20 Don’ts After A Break-up
1. Get in touch with your ex
The first advice anybody will give you after your break-up is to avoid contacting your ex. Even if the Earth is about to explode or aliens are to invade your planet, do not call your ex. If you need to give or take back anything, do it through a common friend. But do not talk to your ex personally under any circumstance.
2. Drunk dial your ex
Stay away from your phone, give it to someone else, or set it on airplane mode. But do not call him when you are drunk.
3. Keep the modes of communication open
You are trying hard to forget everything and move on in life, and suddenly your ex texts you, and your resolve may fizzle out. Chances are your ex messaged you out of boredom. Be strong and block all modes of communication.
4. Suggest remaining ‘friends’
Your ex is someone you probably imagined spending the rest of your life with. You may have some seriously strong feelings attached to them. Suggesting you two remain friends, even after a break-up, keeps a small window of hope open for reconciliation. Do not hurt yourself by keeping hopes alive.
5. Get into a rebound relationship
Now that you are single, do not enter the dating scene for a while. The chances are that you might force yourself to fall for someone to get over your last relationship. Rebounds lead to more regrets.
6. Doubt your decision
During the course of your healing process, you might doubt or regret your decision to break up. Whenever you feel so, push aside all the good memories, and for a few seconds, recall all that went wrong between you and realize that the break-up was indeed required.
7. Seek revenge
You may be angry at your ex for countless reasons. No reason can justify revenge. Seeking revenge makes you bitter and resentful. Instead, work on yourself and live a happy life. Seeing you happy without them is the only revenge you should seek.
8. Vent on social media
Do not ever fall for the temptation of publicly calling out your ex for breaking up with you. It will do good to no one and only attract negativity in your life.
9. Stalk them on social media
Cyberstalking your ex will only cause more hurt and pain to you and delay your healing process. Save yourself the torture, and refrain from typing their name in any search window.
10. Compare yourself to their present love
If your ex has moved on and is happy with someone else, it only means that you will also find the right person for yourself someday. Comparing yourself with their current partner will only drive you crazy and gain you some more pain and nothing else.
11. Pretend to be fine
You made an emotional investment in a relationship that didn’t work out. It is natural to feel bad and want to stay low for a while. Do not try to overcompensate by acting extra cheerful.
12. Become cynical
Love is a beautiful feeling, and just because someone did not value your feelings, it does not mean that no one else will. Instead, conserve your love till you find someone worthy of it.
13. Relive good times of the past
Avoid revisiting old times by re-reading old love messages or looking at pictures of happy moments spent together because then you will start missing them. Once you start missing the moments, the urge to plead your partner back into your life will become strong.
14. Dream about them
At times, when you are alone, your mind might drift towards thoughts of your ex, wondering how life would have been had you two been together. Stop harboring such thoughts and keep yourself occupied.
15. Eat up your sorrows
Comfort food is the easiest resort for a lonely heart. You may end up adding extra pounds and invite lifestyle diseases. Say a big no to unhealthy food indulgences and stick to healthy eating habits.
16. Shut out friends and family
Avoiding your loved ones just because you do not feel like talking to anyone will affect you negatively. Allow them to help you out of this unpleasant situation.
17. Make extreme changes in appearance
In a bid to make yourself feel better, do not try to make some extreme changes to your body — such as getting a nose job or implants. If your partner found you inadequate in any way, it is their problem, not yours. You may not be their idea of ‘perfect,’ but you surely are perfect in someone else’s eyes.
18. Take big impulsive decisions
The bitter break-up may prompt you to quit your job, leave everything behind, and relocate to a completely new place. Don’t make such big decisions based on a failed relationship. In case you do not like the new place, you will regret your decision.
19. Keep a tab on your ex
Do not track your ex through social media or common friends. Do not try to find out about their whereabouts and well-being. Your ex’s life should be of no concern to you, so let go.
20. Visit places you could bump into them
You know your ex frequents a certain pub or restaurant; it is best you avoid this place. Avoid all places where you can accidentally bump into your ex.
Old relationships break, and new relationships are formed every single day. Why trouble yourself over one unsuccessful relationship. Instead, prepare yourself for a better relationship that is waiting for you to come along. Till then, stay strong and positive.