15 Tough Things To Say To Your Cheating Husband

Learning about your husband cheating on you can be heartbreaking. Confronting him on the same is even hard. If you want to know what to say to your cheating husband, this post is for you. Infidelity is a nightmare for any spouse. You go through a myriad of emotions if your husband cheats on you. You feel jilted, betrayed, and disappointed all at once. However, you have to keep your emotions under control before you confront your husband. Read on as we tell you how to deal with this complex situation.

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15 Things To Say To Your Cheating Husband

Here are a few questions or things you may want to discuss with your husband before making a decision.

1. ‘Aren’t you empathetic to my feelings?’

Aren’t you empathetic to my feelings?, what to say to your cheating husband

Image: Shutterstock

When you process what happened, you’ll likely feel a surge of emotions. These are normal as you feel betrayed. If you bottle up your emotions, the anger will boil over and manifest itself in some way. Therefore, articulate your feelings and express what you are going through to make him realize how hurt you are by his actions.

2. ‘Aren’t you guilty?’

Guilt is one of the powerful emotions that, in some cases, can save relationships. If you’re wondering what to say to your cheating husband, you could ask him if he feels guilty about his actions. If he shows guilt for his actions, that’s the least positive thing to experience. For your marriage to survive cheating, your husband must have a sense of guilt for his actions.

protip_icon Do remember
Do confront your husband until you are completely sure they are cheating on you. He might have genuine reasons for his strange behaviors, and your accusation will only hurt your relationship.

3. ‘What next?’

If you’re unsure what to say to a husband who cheated, it’s best to ask questions but keep your focus on the facts. For example, you could make him explain how long the relationship has lasted and what he wants now. If your partner resolves to end the affair and recommit to your relationship after you confront him and establish the facts, you can take your time to decide.

4. ‘Do you want to work on the marriage?’

Ask him if you can trust him again

Image: IStock

The best thing you can do is ask your husband straightforward questions. For example, you can ask him whether or not your relationship is worth saving or if you can trust him again. When you unearth the truth, consider whether to forgive the breach of trust and move on or end the relationship.

5. ‘Why did you cheat?’

While honestly answering these questions can help you decide whether or not to forgive your partner, your husband must be ready to explain why he cheated in the first place. Maybe he’ll say he is not happy with you, or he blames the stress at the office. When your husband points an accusing finger at you or another person as an alibi for cheating, he is not taking full responsibility for his actions. It means he is not apologetic, remorseful, or guilty of his actions.

6. ‘Would you like to see a therapist?’

Your husband’s cheating leaves you with no idea what to do or where to start. You may ask if he wants to consider working with a therapist who can guide him to be on the right track. Engage in constructive dialogue and ask him about his willingness to put his infidelity into perspective, identify issues that might have contributed to it, and repair and strengthening your relationship.

protip_icon Point to consider
Some men are flighty by nature and serial cheaters, while others might have started an affair out of desperation or frustration. While this is not an excuse, such men usually repent their actions and may mend their ways.

7. ‘Does she know about you two?’

The more “the other woman” knows about you two or your marriage, the stronger their relationship is. Based on his answer, you can tell how much attention he gives you and how important you are to him.

8. ‘Have you cheated before?’

Have you cheated before?, what to say to your cheating husband

Image: IStock

If you’re not sure what to say to your cheating husband, explore whether he has ever cheated on you before. Suppose he says this is not the first time, then it is possible that it can happen again. However, if this was his first time and he regrets it, then he may have a benefit of doubt.

9. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’

When your husband is into an affair, he may go on a guilt trip and refuse to open up. If you think he is guilty and wants to mend things, give him time, let him share, and then decide what to do.

10. ‘What went wrong?’

Ask him directly what he thinks went wrong in your relationship or understand the rationale behind his actions. You can also probe him into when he thought your relationship may have started to deteriorate. For example, a particular argument or event may have shattered your relationship. You might want to delve into the details with follow-up questions, such as, “Why didn’t you talk to me at the time?” or “Can you tell me why you felt compelled to cheat?”

protip_icon Do remember
Cheating husbands often blame their partners for being inadequate. They may resort to gaslighting and make the wife feel guilty for no fault. If your husband is doing this, you need to step back and rethink your strategy.

11. ‘Why do you want to stay with me?’

Why does your cheating husband want to stay with you

Image: IStock

Know why your cheating husband believes you should stay with him. He could come up with any number of reasons to stay with you. He might want to stay because of the children or mortgage. On the other hand, he might not want to go through the emotional turmoil of divorcing his wife. While this question allows him to say whatever he wants, you can uncover his thoughts.

12. ‘How do you feel now?’

If you’re not sure what to say to a husband who cheated you, it’s best to be willing to talk about it, no matter how painful it is. You can ask him, “how are you feeling right now?” Know if he is miserable, sad, or has no feelings.

13. ‘What are your expectations?’

It’s a good idea to ask your cheating husband what he wants from the relationship in the future. Although the conversation can be emotional, you would know how to go forward from the present situation.

14. ‘What kind of relationship you share with her?’

Enquire about his relationship with the “other woman”

Image: Shutterstock

Ask him if it was a one-night stand, sexual, “double-life,” or an emotional affair. You can inquire whether the “other woman” is a coworker or a long-time friend and whether he still sees her daily. Because each relationship has its own life and meaning, certain elements can determine where your relationship stands right now and his thoughts about the “other woman.”

protip_icon Point to consider
If a couple has children, the wife may accept the situation as she wants the children’s father to be with them. However, remember putting up with a cheating partner ultimately leads to your children growing up in a shaky family.

15. ‘Express yourself’

After knowing what you want from your husband, express your emotions. Whether sad, angry, disturbed, or broken—pour your heart out. He should know about the damage caused by him. You could even take time to think or communicate openly about what you expect from him and the marriage. Whether you want to give it a second chance or move out of it, take your time, think from every angle, and make a decision.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Can a relationship go back to normal after cheating?

A relationship cannot go back to normal after cheating. When a partner cheats in a relationship, the trauma and pain that the other partner goes through can be massive. However, the relationship can get better with constant effort and good communication.

Elle Roberts, a relationship blogger, shares how she recovered from her husband’s affair and gave their love a second chance. She says, “He was so certain that I was already tired of him and hated him that he was shocked when I found out about his affair partner and became emotionally devastated… It took years of therapy and the two of us fighting a lot for him to understand this and share it all with me. But we eventually worked it out and are now closer than ever. I know some people will judge and say, ‘Once a cheater, always a cheater,’ but it has been five years since then, and as far as I know, he’s been faithful to me this entire time… He went to therapy a lot and we grew closer. He started being more open with his emotions (i).”

2. How should I deal with a cheating husband who lies?

If your husband cheats on you, you must accept the situation, be practical, and ascertain whether to give him a second chance or consider separation. You must also try to analyze why he cheated on you. Also, focus on yourself and consider professional advice if necessary.

3. What causes husbands to cheat?

A few things that may cause husbands to cheat are:

  • A feeling of revenge or anger.
  • Lack of love or commitment.
  • Unfulfilled needs.
  • Fascination toward variety.
  • Low self-esteem.

Trust is extremely important in constructing a successful marriage, and learning that your husband is having an affair can be emotionally crushing. Infidelity is unacceptable in any relationship. It can be so painful that it is often difficult to figure out what to say to your cheating husband. A confrontational approach might become necessary in such cases, and knowing what to say can make the conversation mature and effective. Nevertheless, a willingness to talk about it is an important step toward making future decisions. Ensure that you take your time and avoid making any hasty decisions.

Infographic: How Do You Respond To Your Cheating Husband?

Finding out your partner has been cheating on you can be a difficult and painful experience. You can be hurt and unsure of how to deal with him. So, look at the infographic below that includes some statements and questions you can ask your husband.

things to say to your cheater husband(infographic)

Illustration: Momjunction Design Team

Key Pointers

  • If your husband is cheating on you, ask him if he feels guilty of his actions or would like to rework the marriage.
  • To understand his real feelings about the relationship, ask him the reason for his infidelity.
  • For a better future, know what went wrong in the marriage, and take professional help if needed.
what to say to your cheating husband_illustration

Image: Dalle E/MomJunction Design Team

Personal Experience: Source

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Maria Romano

Maria RomanoRelationship coach

Maria went from having a multi-million business with her husband to living on her own when he died, leaving her to deal with ageism and redefining her life. But for her, it's never too late to be doing something she loves and isn't just something she had to. And that thinking led her to become a wedding officiant for 11...read full bio