Having a good relationship with our in-laws is what most of us want. It is not an impossible task but is tricky for some of us. A mother is the queen of her family. When you try to become a part of her family, she may disapprove of you unless she is convinced that you are the best partner for her child and a good fit for the family.
But when you find it difficult to get along with your mother-in-law, you may often wonder, ‘am I the one being difficult, or are there any reasons why I hate my mother-in-law?’ Read this post to identify the answers to ‘why I hate my mother-in-law’ and see what you can do to stop disliking her and be happy together.
12 Reasons You Might Feel ‘Why I Hate My Mother-In-Law’
Either your mother-in-law is not fond of you, or you feel it in your head. Let’s have a look at the reasons you are unable to get along with her.
1. She is too judgmental of you
Has your mother-in-law ever commented negatively on your cooking skills? Has she openly disapproved of your style? Has she ever corrected your behavior in public? If she nags you constantly for everything you do, it is natural for you to feel annoyed and dislike the unwarranted criticism. There could be two reasons—either you are going wrong, intentionally or unintentionally, or it is your mother-in-law.
2. She disapproves of you
If she is the one deciding where your family should reside, which school your children should go to, or where you should go on a vacation, it shows she is trying to control everything that happens in your family. And probably, this makes you resent her. Differences could also arise if you come from a different culture and do something that she is unaware. Also, every house has specific rules, and if you do not follow them or point flaws, your mother-in-law may not like it.
3. She tells you how to raise your children
Her unsolicited parenting advice may irk you. She may be of the assumption that she has a lot more experience than you in raising children. As a parent, you understand what is best for your child, and you want to raise them a certain way and not blindly follow your mother-in-law. If your parenting style is different from hers, her lessons could bother you.
4. She blames you for everything that goes wrong
Your child falls sick, and she blames you for being an irresponsible parent. Your spouse has a minor accident, and she blames you for not taking good care of them. According to your mother-in-law, anything that goes wrong with your family is because of you. It does not matter that you were not remotely connected to any unpleasant incident. If she pushes the blame on you and makes you feel guilty, irrespective if it is your mistake or not, it is obvious you would feel bitter towards her.
5. She demands to have a grandchild
You and your partner may be working hard to save money before you start a family. But your mother-in-law wants to see her grandchild as soon as possible. If she pesters you despite knowing your expectations or problems, it could make you dislike her.
6. She plays the victim card
Your mother-in-law may constantly remind you of your shortcomings, and you may put up with her most of the time without any complaints. But sometimes, you may lose your patience and talk back. She may narrate the incident from her perspective to others, making herself seem like the victim. Some people like to play the victim card, unintentionally, only to grab sympathy. Such instances could lead to misunderstandings, making you hate your mother-in-law.
7. She taunts you frequently
You may come from a different background, and the difference in lifestyle may be why she is unable to accept you as a part of her family. If she taunts you and tries to implement different ways to make you feel like an outsider, it could hurt you, making you dislike her.
8. She dismisses you
To bond with your mother-in-law, you may take her out on a shopping trip and help her find a good outfit. But every outfit you select, she rejects it for no reason. Similarly, at family events, if you suggest any dish, she may decline it. When your mother-in-law constantly disregards your ideas, you may not like her.
9. She compares you with herself
Does your mother-in-law make comparisons of how well she raised her children, while you are unable to? Does she compare her multitasking and house managing skills and belittle your efforts, making you feel like an incapable parent or spouse? If that is so, you may not convince yourself to accept her and love her. However, if your mother-in-law is right that you need to work on yourself, it is better to accept it and know that she is not bad but is trying to help you.
10. She comments on your appearance
Does your mother-in-law tell you about your looks and the way you dress up? Does she ask you to glam up or wear different clothes? If she does not refrain from commenting on your flaws, it can hit your self-esteem and confidence, leaving you with her negativity.
11. She ignores you in front of others
Does she not talk to you at any family gathering? If yes, then there could be two reasons. She is either trying to treat the guests and focusing entirely on them, or giving you the cold shoulder. In case it is the former reason, it is natural for you to feel isolated.
12. She demeans you
Your mother-in-law constantly tells you how she had found a better partner for your spouse. At times, it might not be a comparison but ‘just a story’ to narrate. And it could be unintentional. On the other hand, if you find her exaggerating facts and telling you how your spouse was better off with a much more talented and successful person, it shows she is demeaning you. It could hurt you, which makes an apparent reason for not liking her.
What To Do When You Hate Your Mother-In-Law?
If your mother-in-law is inconsiderate of your feelings, you are likely to hate her. But hate is a strong emotion that can take a toll on you too. Also, it could be your assumption that your mother-in-law doesn’t like you. Irrespective of what it is, here are some ways that can help you get along with her.
1. Be emphatic and keep yourself from retorting
Imagine yourself in her place and see how you would feel if your child were to share their love with someone other than you. Perhaps your mother-in-law does not want her child to love her less. Hence, she tries to look better than you.
You can hold back from responding or retorting to her jibes. If you stop reacting to her comments or give her time, she might adjust, not comment at all, or even try to be good to you. When you keep yourself from creating drama, she will get to know you better.
2. Talk to your partner and set clear boundaries
When your mother-in-law sees you as a threat to the relationship with her son or daughter, she might try to re-establish her place by interfering in your family matters. You have to be mindful of the ways she tries to grab control of your family. Instead of giving an extreme reaction, have a word with your partner and ask them what would be the best solution out of this situation.
Create and set firm boundaries required for your family. Your mother-in-law may offer her suggestions — consider them, and pick the best option. At times, she might be right too. And if you accept her suggestions, she may be happy about it and stop misjudging you.
3. Make up your mind on what you can take and what you cannot
To maintain peace in the family, overlook minor remarks. Try to ignore her cold behavior if you think she is overreacting. However, do not let her take you for granted. Talk to her and let her know if something is hurting you — it is better than having wrong assumptions.
Be as cordial as you can with your mother-in-law. She might be mean at times, but your good character could charm her in time. Do not act meek or timid, but let her know that you are not here to fight her but to love her like a family.
4. Mend your relationship or keep a safe distance
You might have started on the wrong footing with your mother-in-law, but it is never too late to start again. Be nice to her. Offer to help when you feel she needs it. Once in a while, give in to her wishes to make her happy. Spend some time alone with her without your spouse or children. Speak with her and learn more about her. But if she seems disinterested, back off right away.
When you sense her discomfort or unwillingness to spend time with you, do not push any further. A little cajoling is fine, but do not try too hard to impress her as it can backfire.
5. Accept her the way she is and move on
Sometimes, some people will always be mean to you no matter how hard you try to please them. You can blame it on your stars for not matching with your mother-in-law’s stars. After trying enough, if nothing changes, accept that this is how your relationship will be and that you can’t do much to change it.
Do not stress too much about your mother-in-law disliking you. Instead, focus on keeping your family and yourself happy. Keep minimum contact with your mother-in-law, but do not keep your family from maintaining a good relationship with her. She may be better to them, so do not sabotage their rapport with her.
It is fine if you do not get along with your mother-in-law. So, do not fret over being unable to get into her good books. Instead, ensure that the friction is not too evident to your spouse and children. Do not hide it, but also do not let it affect your family. Let them not feel the bad vibes so they can maintain their relationship with your mother-in-law.