12 Reasons Why Your Ex Is Texting You After A Breakup

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A breakup can be emotionally churning and you may feel like your world is falling apart. If your ex texts you months or years after the breakup, you’ll start to question why your ex is texting you again, what you should do, and how you should reply. Text messages from your ex may surprise and bewilder you. Because a breakup takes time to heal, receiving a text from your ex can be overwhelming and can often lead to a confusing state. It can aggravate your heart while you’re on the road to recovery; their texts keep you stuck in the past and bring up old memories. Read on to learn about some of the reasons your ex is texting after breakup.

“Why Is My Ex Texting Me?”

If your ex has suddenly started sending you good morning and good night messages regularly, you could go into thinking overdrive. Do they want to get together or just hook up? Have they realized that parting ways were wrong and that they love you very much? How to respond to the message? Do you even respond or just ignore it and let your ex stew?
We have made a compilation of the reasons why your ex contacts you (and how you can handle it).

1. Guilt

If your partner ended the relationship, they are likely gripped by a deep sense of guilt and remorse. Nobody wants to bear the burden of guilt, so when it becomes too much to bear, they look for an outlet to vent out. Who better than you, their ex? They contact you and expect you to respond. If you don’t, they pester you until you do. The response you give doesn’t matter to them. If you respond, your partner will twist it in a way to alleviate their guilt.

If you react angrily, they will blame your bad temper for the breakup. If your response is cold, your partner will say that you are cold-hearted. There is no point in trying to please your ex. All you can do is reorient and rebound.

2. Loneliness

One of the apparent reasons your ex might be texting you could be that he or she is lonely. Maybe your partner has no friends or did not find someone special in their lives to cheer up.

Your ex could have no one else to talk to and might be texting to you to fill his or her emotional void. Your ex may not want to come back and may not have romantic feelings for you. They might just be looking for someone to talk to and fight off their loneliness.

3. Curiosity

Your ex might be texting you out of sheer curiosity. They might have spotted you at a restaurant or heard something interesting about you that triggered their curiosity to text you. Your ex could be curious to know what is happening in your life. The reasons might be anything like:

  • Finding out who you are going out with
  • Wanting to know how you are coping up after the breakup
  • Understanding what you feel about them
  • Finding out what you do/where you go in your spare time

This is just plain curiosity, so don’t get your hopes up.

4. Support

A few months after the breakup, your ex may reach out to you for some support. They might be in problems and text you to vent out. In some cases, they might be looking for financial help, especially if you were the financial support when you were together.

5. Backup plan

In some cases, a couple goes out together as friends or keeps in touch regularly. While this might seem ideal, breakups and partner dynamics are not so simple. There is a strong chance both the partners still desire each other. In some cases, a person may be using the ex as a backup plan or standby if their new relationship fails. They might be looking to secure their future if their rebound doesn’t work well or they don’t find someone suitable.

6. Friendship

This is a simple reason why your ex texts you. They have no romantic feelings. They consider you as a good and reliable person to spend time with. An unexpected text from your ex might mean they are tentatively holding their hand out for friendship. They are ready to move on and let you go ahead with your life. They are looking only for a friendship that gives both of you space and freedom while living your own life.

7. Boredom

Your ex might be texting you because they have ample time to kill and alleviate their boredom. Remember, you were texting each other as partners, sometimes, out of boredom.

Your ex might often be texting you if they have nothing else to do, sitting at home idle and bored.

8. Anger

If the breakup is recent, it is natural that your ex may be angry and resentful. This is often the case when there is an abrupt breakup over text or a phone call. Your ex may seek answers for closure. They may text you immediately after the breakup to find out what went wrong. They may profusely apologize and try to salvage the situation by making unreasonable concessions like, “I will do whatever you ask me to.” If you stop talking to your ex in the initial “no-contact phase,” they will text you out of sheer anger that you are ignoring.

9. Sex

Sex may seem an implausible reason for your ex to text you. The fact of the matter is that your ex might not be getting enough action in their sex life, and therefore may text you to hook up with you for sex.

If you are particularly vulnerable after the breakup and your ex starts texting you, you will most likely accept the proposal. They test the waters by texting innocently at first and then quietly putting in the request for sleeping with you. You need to tread carefully.

10. Jealousy

If you have managed to move on and have even got a new partner, your ex might get jealous. Especially if your ex is still floundering or slowly finding their way in the world, they would not want you to go ahead faster than them.

They might start texting you to figure out where you stand. If they feel you have given up on them, they might become aggressive or get into bad rebound relationships to “show you”. They are usually social media stalkers and check up on your activities regularly without your knowledge.

11. Wants to talk something practical

If you have lived together before the breakup, your ex might be texting you regarding power bills or rent or some other aspect. It might be about something they have left at your place that they might want back. Or they may want to help you out of a hard situation without getting involved too much.

12. Wants to get back

This is the part you have been waiting to read about? Your ex may genuinely regret causing the breakup. This realization may dawn on them any time, and you can expect their text at any time. Your ex may be cautious in gauging your mood. If they want you back, the text frequency will be more, and the content could be personal. Your ex may follow you on social media and even check up about you with your close friends and family.

The ex might be manipulative, they might miss certain things about the relationship, lie or emotionally blackmail to come back into your life. It is better to take time and understand their motives before inviting them back.

What To Do If Your Ex Texts You?

Should you respond if your ex texts you? To text or not to, that is the big dilemma. If you feel it is emotionally agonizing and mentally detrimental, avoid responding. However, if you have parted ways on mutual terms, you may consider being in touch with your ex for old time’s sake.

If you feel that your ex is infringing upon your privacy, you can let him or her know of the limits of your friendship.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. How do you know if your ex secretly wants you back?

Signs that your ex secretly wants to get back together may include:

  • Trying to maintain contact and give updates about their life.
  • Acting jealous when they see you with someone else.
  • Bringing up old memories.
  • Following your social media activities.

2. Why do exes come back when you stop caring?

People often give less value to things that are easily available. Same may happen in relationships. Once you leave, your ex may realize how special you made them feel and they may start missing you. Distance may give them an opportunity to think clearly. However, they may be jealous of your improved self or that you have moved on with someone else.

3. Is it healthy to keep in touch with an ex?

Keeping in touch with your ex when you broke up for valid reasons is not a very good idea. It may keep you attached to that person, hindering your chances of moving on in your life or establishing another healthy relationship.

Post breakup, you might be in a vulnerable state of mind according to the level of investment you had in the relationship. The breakup might cause anxiety and panic issues for you, so take it slow. Take one day at a time and give yourself time to heal.

Key Pointers

  • The period after breaking up is a hard phase to pass, and many people choose to go back to their exes because of their loneliness.
  • Guilt, curiosity, or the need for emotional support might be one of the few reasons they are texting you even after your break-up.
  • Contemplate the reasons for breaking up and what your heart says now before making a decision.

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Shikha Thakur

Shikha is a writer-turned-associate editor at MomJunction. Having done a certification in Relationship Coaching, her core interest lies in writing articles that guide couples through their courtship to marriage and parenthood. She also specializes in baby names. Being a postgraduate in Human Resources from Jawaharlal Nehru Technological University, she likes understanding people and their relationships. This reflects in her relationship... more

Shreshtha Dhar

(M.A, M.Phil )
Shreshtha Dhar is a licensed Clinical Psychologist running her private practice Thought Craft in Kolkata. She has special interest in the emotional and behavioral issues of both children and adults. Shreshtha has previosuly worked as a lecturer, published various research papers and contributed to magazines. She provides long distance teleconsultation in English, Hindi and Bengali.