Breaking up is tough, especially if you have known each other for a long time and things seemed perfect while they lasted. It could be daunting when you are still drowning in the pain of a breakup, and your ex wants to be friends. It may seem a tempting proposition, but you need to consider several factors before you give the nod.
While you examine the possibility of friendship, you may wonder why your ex intends to be friends with you. Why would they like to still be part of your life after all that happened?
In this post, we help you consider possible reasons that your ex might want to be friends with you and how you could react to their suggestions.
Why Your Ex Might Want To Be Friends With You
There could be reasons ranging from regrets to desire for intimacy. Let us explore why your ex wants to be your buddy.
1. Regrets breaking up
Your ex regrets breaking up with you. In the heat of the moment, we all say things that we don’t mean or regret later. Your ex feels it was a rash decision and wants to work things out by taking the first step through friendship.
2. They realize the pros
It suddenly dawned upon your ex that they enjoyed various advantages while in a relationship with you. It might be something emotional and romantic or it could be something as practical as sharing the fuel expenses or using that club membership card that you had; in any case, your ex misses the perks of being a part of your life.
3. Misses the friendship
If you were good friends before you took things forward, chances are your ex is reaching out because they miss your company. Perhaps the relationship did not work out, or they did not want it to culminate in a marriage with no chemistry, but they still yearn for your friendship.
4. Keeping the peace
Your ex is not interested in rekindling the relationship, but they don’t want to live with a lingering sourness. Therefore, they try sweetening up things by stating that “we can at least be friends.”
5. Wants you as a stopgap
Perhaps they thought they would be with someone soon after the breakup. However, that did not happen, and now they are left stranded. Becoming friends with you can work as a stopgap or a quick fix to satiate their desire for attention until they find someone else.
6. Scared of change
It could be hard to suddenly terminate contact with someone who has been a regular feature in your daily life. Your ex did not realize it earlier, but now they seem to see it. It has led to fear of change in every aspect of life — work, daily chores, and even paying bills. A great way to still have you in their life without the romance is through friendship.
7. Wants to have control
Some individuals enjoy being the dominating one. They gloat over the unfair control they have on people’s life. Your ex may want to be friends with you only to experience the thrill of seeing you concede to their requests for friendship.
8. Sharing common friends
If you both have common friends, it may seem a worthwhile proposition for your ex to remain friends to decrease the awkwardness. This reason is most likely when you, your ex, and common friends meet often.
9. Wants to look like the good one
Maybe your ex was never in love with you. Perhaps the relationship was on-sided, a fling or an infatuation, and they are over with it now. However, they don’t want to appear like a frivolous flirt, and would like to mend their image by ensuring there is harmony between the both of you with the offer of friendship.
10. Wants to be ‘friends-with-benefits’
If not anything else, the reason why your ex wants to be friends with you is that they seek sex with no strings attached. A relationship with no commitments and the freedom to look elsewhere is a convenient prospect; it provides them the best of both worlds.
What To Do If Ex Wants To Be Friends?
Depending on the reasons behind your breakup, you need to analyze the feasibility of a friendship with your ex. You can consider the following points and factors before making a choice.
1. Respect yourself
Understand that if your relationship was one where you were often feeling hurt, abused, or disrespected, agreeing to remain friends could lead to more of that treatment. Stand up for yourself instead of falling back into such a demeaning relationship. Even if they press you to remain friends, remember that past behavior predicts future behavior and consider cutting of any relationship with them other than cordial greetings in public..
2. Analyze your feelings
Take time to come to terms with your feelings after the breakup. If you are reeling from the shock of the breakup, it does not make sense to befriend the person who led to those feelings. Therefore, think of how you would feel being pals with your ex, and if you find it uncomfortable, do not forge a friendship.
3. Are you okay to be friend-zoned?
Remember, if you re-enter your ex’s life, you will do so as friends. It means you will have to bear the sight of seeing them romance someone else. Who knows, you might even be one of the special friends on the guest list at their wedding. If you can bear all of it and do not mind being friend-zoned, then it is all good. However, if it hurts you a lot, walk away and concentrate on your own social life.
4. You have grown as people
If you were always friends and were only lovers for a short time, you may consider being friends with your ex. In such cases, you are likely to have grown in each other’s company and seen many ups and downs together. Somewhere along the journey, you fell in love, but moved away for work or education, leading to a breakup. Being friends once again can help you revert to the old relationship, and may even lay the foundation for a better and stronger relationship.
5. Do not entertain their selfish interests
If you sense your ex only wants to be friends to enjoy some bonuses of being in your life, then show them the door. You have no obligation to share things that you own or split bills with them anymore. Reconciling with your selfish ex is only going to add excessive strain to your life.
6. When you have the same friend circle
If you have several common friends and you both are invariably going to bump into one another, consider discussion of remaining friends and informing your circle. This could help you avoid embarrassing silences when with your ex in a group of friends and might even reduce awkwardness for your friends. Moreover, your friends do not have to pick sides, avoiding a rift between your pals.
Although a relationship brought you much joy and happiness, when you break up, it’s usually for reasons that are unfixable. Most people move on with their lives, but some individuals may like to stay in touch as friends. Think and take a careful decision to ensure it does not cause you further pain or discomfort. Do what is best for your personal growth.