Ah! The little kids! They’re always asking us to buy the nicest (and most annoying) of things. Yes, they lie on the floor and scream their guts out as they want something they’ve just seen in the store, or at the neighbor’s house, or down the lane, or that alley, or wherever else!
And more often than not, we give in to their demands and get them the stuff they want. But what if they asked us for something weird and creepy? Indeed, A few companies/manufacturers thought it was absolutely alright to sell some creepy and disturbing toys! Let’s check them out!
1. Avenging Unicorn
Unicorns are probably one of those mystical creatures kids secretly hoped to see for real. A toy-making company, however, wanted to change the fantastical image of unicorns into something disastrous!
We don’t know why the unicorn is vengeful. All we know is that it uses its horn to poke right through people. This toy comes with a human trio which could have a mime artist, a businessman, and a regular pedestrian. Kids can poke any of these three with the unicorn’s horn. This is available on Amazon.
2. Face Bank
Piggy banks are the first things that teach kids to save money! And, in a world like today with expenses shooting the roofs, we need to urge our kids to save moolah. But what if the piggy bank has an ugly face and eats your money? Quite a contradiction to the otherwise cute dog, cozy house, or adorable kitten saving your money, right? The Face Bank has heat sensors, which aid it to open its mouth and eat your money. The hideous looking savings bank is available on Amazon.
3. Baby’s First Baby
Really? Your kid has a baby doll, who has a baby, which is pregnant too!! What are you even trying to get at here? Well, this toy by Darren Cullen is sure weird of sorts. It not only shows the baby doll being pregnant, but also shows stretch marks, water breaking, and even cravings! The packing comes with three milk bottles for different ages. The toy is also available with twin dolls. The product is not on sale anymore, but you can see it here along with a few other bizarre things!
4. Poo & Pee
And we have that in plenty. Parents know and understand the pain that they have to go through in cleaning the poo and pee off their tiny tots, as they giggle their way to wetting beds and nappies. It comes as a keyring too, serving god-knows-what purpose. It’s available on Amazon and is probably one of the least outrageous toys on our list.
Pee is yellow, and poo is brown in color!
5. Milky, The Marvelous Milking Cow
Though this product has been discontinued, it is a vintage toy from the 1977s! It not only teaches kids to milk cows (and I don’t understand why kids have to learn milking cows anyway!), it also gives out a liquid, which seems like milk. Gross to me!! Teaching kids traditional ways are good, but this is really unnecessary, devoid of educational values, and an unsafe toy for kids. You can check it out here on ebay.
6. E.T. Finger Light
Imagine giving your kids a toy, which looks like a male genital! Quite literally and no kidding here. This finger light, which really is in the form of E.T.’s finger, looks nothing like a finger! The “toy” is supposed to give out a flash of light when the finger is pressed. You can check it out on ebay, though ebay claims that the “vintage” light does not work anymore.
7. Shave The baby
Ever wanted to teach your kids how to shave? Then you can get this toy. Though I must warn you that the doll toy comes with hair at all the wrong places. The doll’s calf muscles are extra hairy, so your kids can try their shaving skills there. About the other places, well, it’s your call to take. This product isn’t available anymore, but Amazon lets you have a glimpse of it.
8. Little Miss No Name
This rare vintage doll is an orphan, which is why it has no name. It has the spookiest eyes ever, is mostly covered in tattered clothes, and comes with a teardrop too. There is nothing substantial that the toy provides. It does resemble one of those creepy dolls from the horror movies, for sure, though. You can check it out on ebay here.
9. Titanic Inflatable Slide
What could be more ironic than sliding off a dying Titanic? The Titanic Inflatable Slide comes with half the floating Titanic converted into a slide. It is big enough for you to slide from, giving you the feel that you are actually falling off the unfortunate ship! What is the fun in this at all? It is rather nasty and insensitive! You can find it here.
10. Prank Star Poo Dough
Sure! It is fun to teach kids how to make poo out of play dough! If only the idea weren’t enough, the toy comes with poo molds in which your kid can lovingly put the dough and make poo shapes. How not-so-very-interesting is that! Amazon let’s you buy this, but I am not sure if parents would be willing to let their kids to play with this dough.
11. Straightjacket and Other Control Toys
Keeping kids under control and teaching them good manners is a good idea. But why should you bind them up or tie them like animals? That is exactly what this product does. It helps you bind your child, restraining him from doing anything at all. It also comes with cages, which have quite good locks, baby trap chair, heavy ball, and more. This idea of discipline is a tad bit too sadistic. You can check out these items here.
There are a few other toys as well, which are not on sale now. You’d find little mention of them on the Internet, but they did exist in some era.
Daddy Saddle: A saddle you can put on your dad’s back and ride on!
Roadkill Cat: Depicting a cat with its guts spilling out (quite literally), giving people the pleasure of having stamped a cat. Why would kids even want to indulge in something like this?
Jar Jar Binks Tongue Pop: Probably themed after the star wars character, this toy brings out a jelly-like substance from its mouth. I’d never eat it!!!
Mr. Buttons: A hideous doll, which has buttons for eyes (of different color) and teeth that closely resemble (and feel like) human teeth! In short, looks like a creepy woo-doo doll!
Cyclops Brain Toy Car: Kids get to sit inside the brains of Cyclops, the one-eyed monster. My question – how is this a joy ride at all? It is super gory to look at, so that you know.
Cutie Pie HPV: It is a “cute” HPV stuffed toy because teaching kids about sexually transmitted diseases have to look comforting! Sigh!
Ghost Girl: A weird looking doll whose neck tails out and the head has an Asian looking woman with one side-parted hair. It looks less ghostly and more ghastly!
There is no deficiency of bizarre things in the world, and that includes things for kids too. Tell us what you felt about these so-called toys. Did you ever come across anything half as weird?