The time of delivery is nearing, and you’re scared, excited, and anxious. We know that delivery is perhaps the most memorable time of your life, but most importantly, it is a personal, intimate affair. During this time, you are vulnerable and in pain, and you’d like to have the most trusted person by your side, such as your life partner, your mother, or your sister. But how about your mother-in-law? Sure, she is about to become a grandmother, and it is understandable that she would like to be a part of the delivery process. But it is also understandable that you’d like only some very close and trusted members of your family to be around you, to witness you when you’re probably at your worst.
You may not want your mother-in-law around, particularly if you’ve not had the most easy-going relationship with her. So what can you do? How do you handle your mother-in-law at times like this? Let’s find out!
Get The Guilt Out Of The Way
Let’s get one thing out of the way — you’re the one giving birth, and you’re the one who’s going to be howling in pain. It is your body that is going to experience some trauma, so that gives you the right to decide who gets to witness all of that. It is a personal choice, and you don’t have to go on a guilt trip for standing your ground and deciding who you want by your side. When someone you don’t really like that much is present in such an important moment of your life, it can ruin the experience for you. It’s better to be straightforward about it rather than hiding it and festering the anger and frustration about it. There is no guilt if you don’t enjoy the presence of that person and you can be upfront about it.
Have A Heart To Heart
We mean with your husband. Your husband will probably be in a better position to tell his mother that she will have to stay out of the delivery room. He might not understand your reasons behind this, so you could talk to him and tell him where you’re coming from. It would definitely be hard for your partner to tell his own mother not to be present. But he will have to understand that it’s not hate or enmity per se. It’s just that during your labor you would like to be surrounded only by the people who bring the absolute positive out of you. Other people, including your mother-in-law, can always visit at a later date to meet their grandchildren. Let them know later that it was the need of the hour.
Blame It On Hospital Regulations
This one’s for the ladies who run away from conflicts. We get it — you’ve got enough on your plate, and more drama is the last thing you need. So what you can do is let your mother-in-law know that as per hospital protocol, only one person or two will be allowed inside the delivery room. Tell her that you’ve already chosen the lucky ones, so she will have to wait until after the baby is born. You could also ask your doctor to do the job for you. Your healthcare providers know how overwhelming deliveries are, and they’ve witnessed plenty of such situations. Put in a word and ask them to inform your mother-in-law and other family members that they will have to respect hospital regulations and the mother’s decisions.
Give Her Another Time
From the time your water breaks to when you have to push your baby out, the delivery process will most likely be a long one. You probably wouldn’t want your mother-in-law (or anyone else) breathing down your neck when you’re in the last stages of delivery. However, maybe you could have her by your side during the initial stages, for example, when the contractions are starting. When the end is near, you or someone else could politely ask her to leave. This way you give her no chance to complain that you cut her off from this important moment. She would feel included and at the same time you would have your peace of mind in the crucial and painful moments of labor.
Let Her Handle Another Task
This is another tactic to get her away from you at the moment of giving birth. Arrange to occupy her with some that require her to be away. It could be arranging the food or snacks for the people visiting you. In case you have an older child, you can also send her off to look after him/her. Convince her that what she is doing is being highly appreciated. Chances are that she will take pride in being able to help out during such a turbulent time. This way you avoid any potential conflict or leave a bad taste where they feel left out and hold the grudge against you for a long time.
Don’t Inform Them Until It’s Too Late
You’re having a baby. They can’t possibly blame you for not informing them until after you’ve entered the delivery room, right? Your hubby is freaking out too, so they can’t hold it against him either. It’s a safe way to go about things, and no one gets hurt. Tell them that they just didn’t think to call them until after the baby was born in all that rush. Unfortunately, some people do not understand that a “no” means “no”, so you will have to resort to such means.
Remember that at the end of the day, your comfort matters (although you’ll be anything but comfortable at the time of delivery). It helps to have a trusted family member or friend by your side, someone who won’t stress you out but will instead have a calming effect on you. And if your mother-in-law is not going to be the latter, then it’s best to let them stay in the waiting room. What are your thoughts on this? Let us know in the comments below!