Parenting is a lot harder than I thought. If you had met me a few years back, I would have told you that motherhood is unnecessarily glorified most of the time. I was one of those women who had no clue about parenting or how hard it can be to raise a child. However, things have changed in the last year, along with my perception. I am a mom to a one-year-old. And though I’m no expert in these things, now that I’ve walked a mile in mom shoes, I have come to realize that it’s no picnic and that I owe an apology to some of my mom friends for not being empathetic to their struggles. So here goes:
1. When I Got Offended Because You Texted Me Back After A Few Days
I can’t believe I was so indifferent to the struggles of a new mom. Now I know how hard it is to return calls and texts from friends and family. Between changing diapers, breastfeeding struggles, postpartum healing, and everything else, it’s a miracle that you were able to text me back in three days and chat for a few minutes. But even then, I gave you a hard time for not texting sooner. I’m sorry that I wasn’t more understanding and that you had to put up with all my hissy fits.
2. When I Thought Working A 9 To 5 Job Was More Tiring Than Being A Mom
Every time I heard a mom say how tired she was, I used to think, “Hell, no, she can’t be more tired than me. I had to work my a** off on that presentation and barely had any time to catch up on my favorite series. There’s no way she’s exhausted by playing her with her baby and breastfeeding her every now and then.” I’m just glad I didn’t express my thoughts out loud as I would have barely had any mom friends left if I did.
3. The Time I Inwardly Rolled My Eyes When You Prefered Staying At Your Home
I get it now. You barely get time to take a proper shower, you are constantly tired, and you may not be up for it to hang out somewhere else. When you asked me if I could come over to your place, I thought you had suddenly become boring and would rather spend all your time at home. I hadn’t realized that it would be easy for you to care for your baby and not go through the hassle of finding a babysitter at the last minute.
4. When I Got Annoyed Because You Couldn’t Hold A Conversation On The Phone For More Than Two Minutes
Instead of being thankful for listening to my dumb dating problems when you had a baby, I’m sorry I got a tad annoyed when you couldn’t hold a conversion for the phone without your kid interrupting every two minutes. I know that it couldn’t have been easy and I’m glad to have a friend like you.
5. When I Questioned Your Parenting Because Your Kid Threw A Tantrum In Public
I remember you not doing anything when your kid threw a tantrum in public. Even when you were red with embarrassment, you tried to remain calm. I remember thinking that if it were me, I would’ve smacked him or shouted at him the least. But now that I have a little one, I know that shouting will only get them riled up even more. You already had strangers judging you, and I shouldn’t have added on to that.
6. When All The Crumbs In Your Car Grossed Me Out
Now that I have a new level of understanding of what disgusting really means, I know that I shouldn’t have gotten grossed out by mere crumbs. After all, you were only trying to keep your kids from doing their high-pitched hunger whine. I’m sorry for not being understanding enough. Also, I’m hoping that the next time you come over to my house, you will be more understanding than me. Because guess what, mama got more things to worry about than dirty laundry and piled up dishes in the sink.
7. When I Thought You Were Obsessed With Your Baby
Remember how you panicked when you had to leave your baby at home for a lunch date with your friends? You were constantly thinking about your little one, wondering if he has been fed or if he’s still crying, missing you. I was too naive to understand the bond between a mother and child and how hard it can be to leave your baby at home for the first time. I’m sorry; I know how overwhelming it must’ve been for you that afternoon.
8. When I Judged You; Yet Again
You opened up to me and said that sometimes you think of running away from all this because the responsibilities of being a mom are overpowering. I wondered how you could say that about your own child, and maybe you didn’t love him enough. I’m sorry for not being a better friend and offering my support.
9. When I Thought You Were Lame For Wanting To Be Home By 7:00 p.m.
Being a mom is not easy. You have kids to feed and bathe, a house to clean, dishes to do, and a ton of other stuff too. You barely get any alone time, and if leaving early means you get ten minutes to yourself before you hit the sack, then you need to do just that.
10. When I Thought I Was The Expert In Being A Mom
I’m sorry for all the unsolicited advice that I piled on you when I had no clue what being a mom meant. I should’ve kept my mouth shut and only given you advice if/when you ask for it. If I could, I would like to retract all the stupid advice that I gave you when I didn’t know the first thing about motherhood.
I know that my apology is a little too late, but I hope you can forgive me and know that I think you are an amazing mom. Instead of judging each other, we should be supporting and building each other up because God knows it’s not an easy ride.