Before you appointed a babysitter, you must have done an extensive background check of the prospective candidate. She must have turned out super at the interview. You must have arrived at an agreeable remuneration. She must have sounded fun, and great to be around with. But this is not what she thinks about you or your obstreperous children (well, that is how she sees them!). Did you ever get a glimpse of her innermost thoughts? Figure it out by the following questions you must have thrown at her:
1. Parent: Did they behave?
Babysitter: They were brilliant!
What you must understand: Nope, they didn’t behave. I had a hella time no sooner than you left. It hadn’t been even 15 minutes and the roof was going to collapse. It wasn’t half as silent as it is now – that is just when kids heard the key turn around. Thank me for saving your house today!
2. Parent: Are you sure?
What you must understand: Perhaps you know the temperament of your children. This is why you entrusted me with taking care of them while you escaped to work or party. I am not afraid of you. I could tell the truth. Rather, you have given me an opportunity to tell the truth. But I will be painting a much scarier picture if I told you that Noah tried locking up Alice in the fridge, or Liam tried to make a billboard of your walls, or that one of them was planning to go piggy riding on the dog, or the other wanted to make cut outs of your favorite fabrics and cushions for some handcrafted masterpiece, or that at one time or the other they all made a brouhaha about something that got them at a bullfight. You are lucky you have set the home alarm before they could get going with the secret message with lemon juice experiment over a tiny flame; that was enough to burn your sofas. But telling the truth would mean, “You’ve made my children worse.” The fact that I have put up with those little rascals quite well will go unnoticed and worthless.
3. Parent: Did they do their homework?
Babysitter: They are almost there!
What you must understand: Homework? What’s that? Their consistent anthem has been “We don’t need no education…”, they could give Pink Floyd a run for money once they pen their lyrics on these lines. But hello, don’t they need to master reading and writing to do that?
4. Parent: Did they have their food?
Babysitter: Of course, yes.
What you must understand: You just took some burden off me by cooking for them all. Thank you! But you don’t know how your effort was also wasted. One simply drained out that soup down the sink. The other trashed the food in her sibling’s plate while he didn’t notice and he ended up eating the whole thing – he ate food of two. Then the table shook with their boisterous clitter-clatter. They would deliberately spill food on their outfits so they can go in the backyard and drench each other in the hose-water. And towards the end, the half-empty stomach rants would eventually grow into moans, wails, and streams of tears.
5. Parent: Did they have their TV time?
What you must understand: TV is what got them grounded a bit. And this is when I dashed hither and thither fixing things, putting things back to their place, mending the broken objects, washing the dirty table-cloth, inventing a remedy for that grease on the carpet, formulated a composition that can glue the broken vase like never before – and I bet I am going to patent my novel inventions – I deserve it after holding your roof tight – literally a feat for a single woman handling devils of your children.
6. Parent: Did they have their play time?
Babysitter: They couldn’t have stepped out without me.
What you must understand: They jumped over the fence. Snuck into God knows whose house. But that phone bell rang, and I heard a parent shout wild as if a microphone bombed me right in the ears, but all that I could gather was that they messed up with their windows, and you will have to bear the costs.
7. Parent: Wonderful! So $15 per hour sounds good?
Babysitter: It could be helpful if you raise the remuneration (smiles)
What you must understand: I am billing you for that broken window your neighbor will be after. They will sue me if I don’t shut them with the corpus fund you give me.
8. Parent: OK, let me think about any perks.
Babysitter: (Courteous smile)
What you must understand: Perks? Who asked for it? Some quiet time is all I need now.
9. Parent: Could you come the next week too?
Babysitter: By all means.
What you must understand: Not that I would love to. But I have a huge educational loan on me. I’d rather pull it off well like I did today the next week too!
What experiences did you have with your babysitter? Write us back!