I Didnt Know Stories
His Life Was Hanging In Balance And There Was Nothing I Could Do…
“Motherhood is often looked upon as a great boon, isn't it? But motherhood, rewarding as it is, comes with its own baggage — the baggage of expectations. The expectation to know it all and have all the answers.
I too bore this burden unquestioningly, and unknowingly. I became aware of it, only when it caused my child’s life to hang in balance.
Back in 2012, my son, who was only 7 years old then, became seriously ill. We took him to different hospitals. His right leg had become very swollen, and no doctor could tell us why. We took him to several hospitals, across two cities, and this continued for a month. After a month of feeling helpless, we were finally given an answer. He had filariasis, a disease that spreads through the bites of mosquitoes.
How could I have known that?
By God's grace, he is doing well today. Back then I felt so helpless when I couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. But having gone through that experience, today I can confidently say, that no one, not even a mother, is capable of knowing every single thing in this world.
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Despite Knowing Everything I Couldn’t Protect Her…
“The society presents motherhood in a neat little package, with all the trimmings. After all, it’s the greatest mantle to be ever given to women. It even puts mothers on the same pedestal as that of God! But it forgets the reality that mothers are mortals. They can't be divine, omnipotent beings!
I was reminded of this reality when my daughter Tanya, who is only 8 years old, fell sick after contracting dengue. It wasn't that I wasn't aware of how I could have prevented this from happening. I had read about this in books and seen awareness programs on TV, but still, it happened.
I had known dengue was a pretty serious condition, but nothing had prepared me for my daughter's suffering. How dengue weakens a person and makes them suffer isn't something that can be explained in words. That pain is felt by one who has to go through it, as my daughter had to. I never expected this to happen, in fact, I had taken all necessary precautions to avoid this, but still, my daughter fell prey to this. She is fine now, but the after-effects of the disease have left her feeling feeble and weak. Her joints are still aching. I hope and pray that she gets better soon."
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Like Everyone, I Thought That A Premature Baby Was Just An Underweight Baby…
“One of the sayings of the great Chinese philosopher, Confucius is this — the man who asks questions is a fool for a minute, the man who doesn’t is a fool for life. But, tell me can a mother ask how she should look after her child, without inviting a lot of judgmental stares? No, right? Right from the moment of conception, the mother is assigned the charge of knowing everything about her child.
A father who doesn’t know anything about his child is just that, a father, but a mother who doesn’t know everything about her child is a bad mother.
My younger son was born prematurely. And right until it happened, my premature delivery, I had no clue. When it finally did, like everyone I assumed that it just meant that my son was a little underweight. I had no inkling of the difficult time, that was in store for me. I wasn’t ignorant, I just didn’t know. And whom could I ask?
The coming few months were tough on both of us, me and my son. While he had to experience a lot of complications, I had to battle the fear of losing him every day. There was that nagging uncertainty as to what the next day might bring. Mujhe nahi pata tha…”
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We Try Our Best to Take Care Of Our Family But Sometimes We Fail…
“It’s said that God couldn’t be everywhere, so he created mothers. Sounds pretty comforting, right? This idea that a higher power would envision a guardian for the entire human race is pretty perfect, but it puts a tremendous burden on us mothers. There’s no denying that the bond that exists between a mother and her child is truly one-of-a-kind, but how can one compete with God.
One day I noticed that my one-year-old son was sneezing a lot. I thought it’s just a normal cold, so I gave him some tonic and some medicine. And I thought that would be enough. A few hours later, in the middle of the night, I noticed that he was having trouble breathing. Terrified, we rushed him to the hospital. Upon reaching there, the on-call doctor told us that it was no ordinary cold. My son had pneumonia. It’s not as if I neglected my son or didn’t care for him enough. I did everything that I was supposed to do, still, this happened.
I just thank God that I decided to act on my gut feeling. And now I tell every mother that if you feel something is wrong, act upon it.
Every woman faces such things in life. We try our best to take care of our family but sometimes we fail.”
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Everyone Around Me Were Like, Only You Carry Him, Or Be Near Him… As If I Knew Everything.
“It shouldn’t need to be said, but motherhood is a mixed bag. There’s no denying that it brings a woman unparalleled joy, but it also is the source of some of her biggest worries and anxieties.
This incident happened when my son was only 45-days old. One night, while I was feeding my son, I noticed that he was choking. His eyes had become still, and his whole face was turning blue. My heart came into my mouth and I swung into action. I tried patting him on his back, and then I started swinging him in my arms, and suddenly, he started breathing normally. I thought that terrifying as this ordeal was, this was the end of it, but next morning it happened again. We took him to the doctor, who advised us to leave him be when it happened again. I was completely taken aback by his advice, and on top of it, after this incident, everyone around me started insisting that only I should hold the baby or be near him as if only I knew what was happening with him. But I was determined. I decided to be there for my kid, even though everyone shrugged that responsibility. I would distract him by talking to him when he started choking by calling out to him in a loud voice, which helped a great deal.
So, while I may not know everything about my son, I made sure that I never gave up on him.”
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I Couldn’t Do Anything To Soothe Her…I Could Just Wait For The Night To Pass
“There is an interesting dichotomy that every mother has to deal with, at least in our cultural context. On the one hand, she has to know about every aspect of her child’s life and be up to date on each and every development, whether it’s behavioral or physical or emotional. On the other hand, if she spends too much time or attention to the child, she is often accused of spoiling the child. It seems that no matter what a mom does, she can’t escape those judgmental, prying eyes.
When my daughter was born, I was over the moon with happiness. Everything went smoothly the first two months after her birth, but suddenly one day she started crying without any reason. Then it almost became a routine which continued the following evenings. After watching this happen for three days, we decided to seek medical help. When we went to the doctor, he informed us that our baby had colic pain, and there was nothing we could do. It was a phase that she would grow out of, eventually. Though it wasn’t a life-threatening condition, it left me completely baffled because I didn’t know how to get her to stop crying. It was very difficult to deal with a child who would cry for hours at an end. I couldn’t do anything to soothe her, except wait for the night to pass.
Luckily, she is through that phase now, but having gone through that experience I can only say that at the end of the day, every mother is a human, who is trying her best.”
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