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‘Moms know best’ – it’s a phrase that is often repeated, emphasizing the importance a mother has in a child’s life. But, is time with mom fun too? How come we only get to hear about how time with dad is a lot of fun?
From the day my son was born, my life totally revolved around him. Taking care of his needs and looking after him took my whole day. It was only in the evening when he would nap that I’d get time to cook and do the rest of the chores. When my husband returned from work, my son would have been fed, cleaned, slept, and ready to play. So, while my husband got to indulge him, I’d slog in the kitchen. By the time I was done, my son would be ready for his feed-sleep routine again, leaving me feeling left out.
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Despite this, the fact that I got to witness innumerable precious moments with my little darling kept me going. His first words, his first walk, and his efforts to kiss me with a toothless mouth… all of them were adorably memorable. I knew that my husband missed out on them due to his work commitments. This, I must grudgingly admit, somewhere made me feel nice about getting the lion’s share of my baby’s time.
Soon, my son reached toddler-hood and was ready for a playschool. I resumed my job too. Each time my husband came home from work, my son would happily run into his dad’s arms and hug him. I too was looking forward to getting a similar reaction from my son. But I couldn’t be more wrong. It wasn’t that my son did not love me. My work commitments and household chores kept me pressed for time. And feeding a fussy toddler in between all this only made me lose my cool often. No wonder then that while my son played with his peers at school, at home he always looked forward to playtime with daddy. By now, I had started to feel a tinge of jealousy already.
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But things were set to change even more drastically. The following year, my son joined a mainstream school which started quite early in the morning. Gone were the days of late bedtimes and late mornings. And no prizes for guessing who was expected to bell the cat! By default, my husband put the onus on me to discipline the child. I was to enforce the 10 pm bedtime curfew and 7 am wake up deadline. Then there were occasions when my husband would unwittingly ask me to go easy on my son in his very presence. This only strengthened my son’s perception of me as a serious person rather than a fun-loving mom and his dad as his savior. And each passing day simply worsened my situation. My lack of fun time with my son and my edgy nature further contributed to my insecurity.
Having realized this, I took baby steps toward changing all this. Seeing my son’s interest in painting, I got him a set of paints and color pencils. I dedicated both days of my weekend to spend my afternoons indulging him in his favorite hobby. Gradually, I would even step out with him when he rode his bicycle. I made subtle lifestyle changes like ordering one meal on either one of the days from outside. This gave me ample time with my son and made me less irritable. I always enjoyed cooking his favorite dish. But I realized that my playing with him made him happier than that.
Image: IStock
All this set me thinking – why do we give so much time to just disciplining our children and taking care of their needs? It is surely for their good. But what keeps us away from playing with them or enjoying each other’s company? Maybe we take our roles as caregivers far more seriously than we should.
Now, you must be waiting to know if my efforts paid. Here’s what happened recently. My son had a holiday at his school and my husband was on leave. That morning when both were playing around and I was leaving for work, my son left his dad, ran up to me and said, “Why are you leaving? Don’t go. It’s so much fun to be with you!” Needless to say, I was touched. In the end, it was all about quality over quantity!
So, if you too are insecure about your kid enjoying his dad’s company more than you, now you know what to do.
