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It’s no secret that a baby changes your life. But we never truly understand to what extent it changes our relationship with our friends until we become a mom. I used to be the one who judged and criticized those women that let their friendships take a back seat as soon as they became a mom. I was determined not to be known as the mom friend who got in touch once in 6 months over a cup of coffee for the latest gossip.
Being A New Parent
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I can’t believe how naive and indifferent I was to all those women who were caught up in taking care of their family and couldn’t make it to movies with their friends. But once I became a mother, I truly realized how challenging and tough it was. In the first year after my baby’s birth, there were days when I craved adult conversation. I wished for someone to talk to about other stuff besides babies and breastfeeding. And though my girlfriends would be available at the tap of a button, I simply didn’t have the energy to pick up the phone and continue a conversation. The idea of it felt more tiring than arguing with my husband over whose turn it is to wash the dishes.
Diaper Duties, Breastfeeding, And Sleepless Nights…
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The first year after the baby’s birth is tiring for most new parents. And mine wasn’t any different. Throughout my pregnancy, I thought the most challenging part would be giving birth. Clearly, I undermined what lies ahead. I had a normal delivery with no major complications except an episiotomy. The first few weeks had gone by so fast before I could fully embrace the newborn period. Breastfeeding was a real challenge since I was struggling with it for over a month. Once I aced breastfeeding, my breasts had given up and I was struggling with low milk supply. Then I started pumping and thankfully, it worked out. Between feeding my baby, cooking, cleaning, and a very poor attempt at catching up on my sleep, I knew that motherhood had put a strain on my friendships. Personal chats became limited to group texts and the lack of response made it harder for them to keep in touch with me.
Altered Friendships
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So days, weeks, and months passed by without making any real contact with my friends. And soon enough, I had another baby. After having a difficult pregnancy and then falling into a postpartum abyss, it became even more tricky to maintain my friendships. While the thought of losing my friends was scary enough, I couldn’t imagine going against my mom instincts. I didn’t know how to maintain a social life without compromising on my responsibilities as a mom. I’m not saying that every mom who has an active social life has somehow compromised on taking care of their kids, but I just hadn’t found the balance yet. Either I was too exhausted, too lazy, or had other priorities to deal with.
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It’s true, being a parent changes who you are. You become more responsible and your priorities shift. Yet there will be days when you are forgetful and become pensive and childlike at the same time. But I’m just glad through it all, I’ve had friends who were patient and understanding even when I had forgotten their birthdays, missed their parties, and left their text on “read”. So, if you’ve been a bad friend, know that your friends will be there for you when you are ready to have a martini with your babysitter’s number on speed dial.
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