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A boy and a girl. Us two and ours two. Sounds like the perfect family, right? I mean, who would want a third baby in the middle of a practically picture-perfect family? It’s more like adding a third wheel to your bicycle. You probably don’t need it.
But you don’t always do things out of need. Sometimes it’s out of want.
And I wanted a third baby. My husband didn’t.
I’ve always thought that a third baby would complete our family. My 6-year old son and 3-year old daughter are now long grown up, with their babyhood clothes and toys safely tucked, waiting to be used by a newborn.
Whenever I’d bring up the topic of adding a new tiny tot to our family, my husband would start his one-liner like a loop of that annoying song stuck in your head.
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“I’m happy that we have one of each. We don’t need another.” And that would play in my head over and over again.
Honestly, it came to a point when I thought it was just wiser to give up on my dream of having three kids. Though swallowing the reality pill was difficult, I was getting to a place of acceptance.
We were living in the moment each day and feeling grateful for having two beautiful, slightly grown-up kids.
But fate had something else in store. One night as I was getting ready for bed, I cracked a baby joke. Something I do from time to time to convince myself that not having one more is the right decision.
As I was slipping into my jammies, I told him, “Can you imagine a tiny one sleeping in between us again? I have no idea how we got through the whole staying up at night soothing the crying baby routine twice! It was crazy!”
He looked at me with a straight face and said, “Yes, I can. I’ve been thinking about it lately, and I think it might be good to add a fifth member to our family of four.”
I looked at him, wide-eyed. Stunned.
“What?”, I shrieked in shock.
He laughed at me and said, “Well, you’ve been aching to have one forever. And even though you say you’re past it, you still clearly want one! Besides, I think it’ll be great for the kids. So yeah, let’s!”
I smiled gleefully. But the glee soon gave way to anxiety as my mind swirled with a billion questions.
Is this really what I want? Am I ready to have another baby? Can I go through the whole pregnancy and childbirth cycle? Will my kids be happy? Is this the right time with the pandemic still going on? My nerves just wouldn’t rest.
I kept overthinking, filling my head with a ton of new questions! Would all three of my kids get along? Will they have anything in common? Will the elder two forget about the third one as they grow up faster?
What if I forget myself in the middle of three kids? What if I lose my purpose, my passions in life?
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I need answers. I needed clarity.
I need someone to guide me towards the right answer to my situation. And on a fine afternoon, while I was hanging out with my favorite girlfriend, the answer presented itself to me.
I was talking to her about my whole third baby dilemma, and she said, “There’s no right or wrong here. You need to go beyond the realm of right and wrong and figure out what your dreams are. Just live, don’t overthink it.”
She had always been super-rational. The kind who makes every problem seem easy.
I allowed myself to think over what she said for the next few days. Wrapping my head around her words, I figured she was right. I just had to let myself dream for once — something that didn’t come naturally to my overthinking mind.
However, I allowed myself the luxury and could picture three happy kids creating a mess together while I fussed over them, my husband secretly encouraging them to get a little messier! And I was happy.
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In the end, there’s no right or wrong when it comes to expanding your family. We all have our own dream versions of a family. If you think what you have is enough, it’s enough. If you want more, work towards it. But just live. Don’t overthink it.
