Expectant mums cannot wait to hold the baby in their arms as soon as they are born. It’s probably the only thing that keeps them going through all the difficult parts of pregnancy such as mood swings, body pain, and morning sickness. Recently, Britain’s Got Talent judge Amanda Holden opened up about the heartbreaking moment in 2011 when she couldn’t feel her baby’s heartbeat. The television presenter reflected on this traumatic moment when she appeared on BBC’s Dear NHS Superstars Special.
The 49-year-old is married to British songwriter Chris Hughes. They have 2 daughters: Alexa, 14, and Hollie, 8. The mom of two opened up about the incident when her son Theo was declared dead while in the womb.
Recalling the incident, Amanda says how she hadn’t felt her baby kick for the most part of the night which she found unusual since Theo was an active baby. She tried everything to feel some movement from her little one, but nothing worked. Though one would lose their mind and start to worry at that point, Amanda says that she didn’t panic.
The concerned mom then headed to a hospital where she was accompanied by her midwife and dear friend, Jackie. When her friend saw an obstetrician coming past them, she informed the doctor about the situation. The 49-year-old recalled hearing a guttural screaming without realizing that it was her.
Talking about the same, Amanda recalls how she had no control over it. She had thought that it was someone else who was screaming and couldn’t quite believe it was her. She remembers being held by many women, all of them trying to calm her down. The TV star revealed that she had forgotten she would have to give birth to her son to get the baby out.
Revealing further details about the incident, Amanda said that she had opted for a C-section instead of a natural delivery since she wasn’t emotionally prepared to go through labor. The TV personality revealed in the interview how the C-section was a horrific experience for her, as at the end of it, she would get a baby that looks like he is asleep.
Talking about the same, the mom of two says that she couldn’t bring herself up to hold a dead baby in her arms and was absolutely terrified. Continuing, Amanda shared that her husband Chris walked out of the room as he couldn’t bear to see the baby. It was her friend Jackie who asked her to take a look at the baby as he was absolutely gorgeous. Amanda then held him and noticed how he had perfectly formed eyebrows like all of her other children.
The BGT judge was allowed to keep some souvenirs of Theo. She shared that she had kept a small part of his hair, the blanket that was wrapped around when he was born, and his footprints. They decided to preserve the body of her son so the family could visit him as little or as much as they want.
Praising the hospital and the staff, Amanda revealed that there’s nothing she wouldn’t do for them since it was where her son was born and she was treated like family with such good care.
In memory of her son, Amanda has also set up a fund called Theo’s Hope to provide support for moms who have had similar experiences of giving birth to a stillborn. The TV star also plans to offer bereavement counseling by raising money through her fund. The mom of two further revealed that she had many people during the time with whom she could talk to that helped her cope with the grief, and wishes the same for others through her fund.
Dealing with an unexpected and significant loss is never easy. It’s important to allow yourself the time to grieve without placing the blame on yourself. Talk to a doctor about how you feel or seek help from a professional counselor. Joining a pregnancy loss support group may also be helpful.