Relationships are never easy. They come with their share of complications and tiffs. And the relationship between spouses is even more complicated. It is because of so many dimensions and expectations involving the two people.
There are many factors associated with a marital relationship – the two extended families, the kids, finances, decisions regarding housing and expenses, parenting perspectives, and what not. Therefore, having disagreements or arguments between the husband and wife is normal and natural.
As a spouse, you might have felt let down by your husband and you must have fought with him over minor and major issues, but it does need a mature handling to not let the differences blow out of proportion, thus causing a permanent rift in the relationship.
Here we give you five things that you should avoid saying during your disagreements with your husband, because it can make him feel hurt and offended, and can have a very damaging effect on your relationship.
1. Favouring Your Exes
Comparing your exes with your husband and putting them in a better light is a big mistake that you should avoid at all costs. Nothing harms a relationship more than the mention of a third person, even if it’s from the past. It can breed ego – hurt and jealousy, and there’s no cure for jealousy that heaps on the mind. It can lead to distrust and bigger insecurities in the relationship, which are difficult to mend.
2. Dragging In The In-Laws
It is very common to point out mistakes in your husband’s actions and link it to your in-laws. Which is not just insulting, it can also be demeaning for your husband to listen to loud rants about his parents. Sometimes, dragging family members in the fight can trigger another bout of arguments. Of course, being a son, he ought to be respectful and restrained towards his parents, but don’t make it a reason or a crutch for your fights. Whatever bothers you, try to talk it out and keep the parents of either family out of your conflicts.
3. Blames And Insults
To blame your husband for every failure that you may have faced in your relationship is not correct. Such blatant shaming can shatter his confidence and the feeling of happiness and harmony that he shares with you. A relationship between spouses is a two-way path. Instead of accounting him for all the troubles and mistakes, look at yourself. Consider what you could do to set things right and come to a balance, rather than being a passive and aggressive partner.
4. Piling On Your Grudges
Many people make the mistake of holding on to their grudges, thus shunning the possibilities of any reconciliation. Continuously reminding and bringing up the episodes of the past hurts and disagreements can affect your marriage and lead to feelings of anger and resentment. And if these emotions are raked or bottled up for long, it is a definite disaster for your relationship. If you feel you have been wronged in the past, acknowledge it and rise to the position of a forgiver, rather than being in the victim position. Be clear about what you want from the relationship, rather than indulging in ugly fights.
5. To Deny Ever Loving Him
To say that you never really loved or cared for your husband might be the most distressing thing for him to hear. Such remarks are often passed in fit of anger, but they do more harm than intended or imagined. Even if you regret and apologise later on, it can’t fill in the rift that is created in your relationship.
Having arguments or disagreements between a husband and wife isn’t uncommon. But there is a boundary in every relationship that shouldn’t be crossed. Relationships are very fragile, and they are supposed to be nurtured with care and patience. So, even if you are raging and fuming over something that your husband has done or said, hold on for a minute before you react. It will save your sanity, relationship, and marriage.