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Parenthood may seem exciting and new but the realities are not all that picturesque. It can even turn out to be one of the biggest challenges in a person’s life. Balancing societal expectations along with the unrealistic parenting standards only leaves us feeling frustrated, exhausted and often guilty. There is a lot of guilt and shame when it comes to parenting all centered around myths that have been around for far too long. And surprisingly, for the longest time no one wanted to address these old wives tales. But that is slowly changing with time. Parents everywhere are starting to get real about their daily struggles and the challenges they face with their little ones. It’s time you stopped comparing yourself to a construct of the perfect parent that doesn’t exist!
Here are 4 of the biggest parenting myths debunked:
1. You Are A Good Parent Only If Your Child Adores You
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No, just no! Gauging your success as a parent based on how much your child adores you or is affectionate towards you is the worst way to evaluate if you are doing a good job. You may love your toddler, but they are stubborn, temperamental and demanding. And chances are they would dissolve into a raging fit if you forgot the apples in their fruit salad even though they hated the fruit the last time you checked. And you could turn it all around by simply presenting them with their favorite chocolate, but truth be told your toddler is all over the place. This is because they still don’t know who they are or how to handle their emotions. Which means they can oscillate between loving you and hating you every 10 minutes. Your job is not to appease your little one but to teach them how to be civilized. Setting boundaries, discipling them in healthy ways, being consistent and enforcing limits as well as positively reinforcing good behavior is what makes you a good parent. Your child may not like any of those things right now, but it’s what they need. Remember, you may want to be their bestie but you’re the parent first.
2. Your Child’s Tantrums Are Your Fault
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Your baby may be cute but they are a chaotic, destructive machine. Toddlers are too busy exploring the world to listen to you. They’d rather do something dangerous or disruptive and when you put your foot down, they throw a temper tantrum. Good job! No, seriously. You’re doing great if you’ve set limits and said no. Your child might be screaming the roof off but that’s how they learn to handle rejection and negative emotions. Let them have their fit and pat yourself on the back. Another factor parents are afraid of is the fear of having their child have a tantrum in public. There is no need to feel ashamed over something so common and normal. Besides, everyone’s rooting for you anyway. So don’t lose your cool and wait for your little one to cool off.
3. If You Are A Good Parent, You Will Always Enjoy Your Kids
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Unfortunately parenting isn’t made up of only sweet, warm memories of you and your baby cuddling and smiling at each other. Honestly, that is the exception not the rule. And as much as you may hate to admit it, sometimes you don’t want to hang out with your kid. Sometimes they are being difficult or just plain annoying and you’d rather be alone. This is completely okay! Your emotions are simply human and normal. You can’t control how you feel. As long as you are providing for your child and giving them the attention they require, you’re good.
4. You Are A Good Parent If You Never Shout At Your Child
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If you’re a parent, you know that your kid is going to poke and probe until you give them a reaction. And sometimes, it’s an outburst. It’s okay, we all lose it sometimes! Especially when a little someone has been badgering us the entire day. You should work on healthier ways to deal with such situations but having a bad moment does not make you a bad parent. Instead, take this opportunity to apologize and show your child that it is okay to make mistakes as long as you learn from them. There is no need to act as if you have everything figured out in front of them. Show them you are human and that you mess up and try to do better. Being transparent will help your children to relate with you and will help facilitate open conversations when one of you is upset.
Parenting is a joy but it is also a very bumpy ride. And sometimes you need a breather and someone to remind you that you’re actually doing a good job. You are not messing up royally, and eventually everything will be okay. It’s okay if things aren’t the way you expected them to be. That’s the joy of the journey. Learn and grow with and from your child. It will fulfill you more than trying to be the perfect parent ever could.
