Let’s be honest, mothers-in-law are usually not the easiest people in the world to get close to. She’s the mother of your wonderful spouse, and you respect her. But this sentiment is often not reciprocated. Mothers often think they know what’s best for their kids, even when they are grown and have their own family. And this leaves room for a lot of scrutiny which can eventually lead to a fall out between you and your partner. Did you know that 3 out 4 couples encounter quarrels with their mothers-in-law? So, it’s not uncommon to be on their bad side. But if you’re tired of everything you do being picked apart and examined, then this is the article for you. We’ll discuss a few simple ways to easily win over your mom-in-laws heart and put an end to the fights once and for all!
1. Keep Your Expectations Positive
This is for those of you who are yet to meet their mother-in-laws. If you’re in the very beginning of building a relationship with her, go into it with positive expectations. Oftentimes, we play out the scenarios that we believe will probably happen. So, you are not doing yourself any favors by going into your first meeting with a mother-in-law expecting her to hate you. It is perfectly possible to have a good, loving or even pleasant relationship with her. If you expect to have a close relationship with your mother-in-law, then that is what will most probably happen. So, keep your expectations positive and try not to assume what she will be like.
2. Ask Your Mom-In-Law For Advice
Many people can’t deal with their mothers-in-law because they have an opinion on everything they do, and share their unsolicited advice, with every chance they get. But if they love it so much, why not indulge them? Besides, it’s a great way of showing them that you value their opinion and want to be vulnerable with them. This doesn’t mean you have to tell her things you’re uncomfortable about sharing, simply asking for general advice will do the trick. This will help you both build a bond with each other and show them that you truly trust and respect them without coming off as desperate for their love and attention.
3. Change The Way You Communicate With Them
The best way to get your mother-in-law to start liking you is to start communicating with them more effectively. They often feel neglected and that their role as a caregiver is over. So, make sure you include them when you can. Check up on them or ask if you can visit them in order to help them with chores. If they are really good or passionate about something like baking or gardening, invite them over to teach you a thing or two. Constant communication is what will take your relationship to the next level. The last thing you want is to be an enigma to your mother-in-law. This leaves too much room for misinterpretation and miscommunication. But communication doesn’t just help you connect better, it also has several health benefits like a boost in self esteem that will make your mother-in-law trust you a whole lot more (1).
4. Try To Include Them In Family Gatherings
As people get older, they feel more isolated, alone and unwanted. This may also be their source of bitterness and contempt. So, try to include them in family gatherings and activities whenever you can. However, make sure that you are not forcibly dragging her to an event. Your mother-in-law needs to feel like she has a choice and her independence but also like you are making an effort to include her in all the fun. So, the next time your child has a recital or sports game, ask them to tag along. This way they won’t feel left out and will build a stronger bond with you and the kids.
5. Understand That They Won’t Always Do As You Please
Grandparents love spoiling their grandkids, especially if they only get to meet them once in a while. So it won’t matter if you’re trying to keep your kids off sugar or don’t let them have any screen time after 7pm. Some of those rules are bound to be broken when your mother-in-law is in town. And as hard as it may be to accept it, you have to try. Sure, you can tell them about your rules and boundaries. But if they slip up and come home with icecream. Pick your battles and let this go.
Becoming your mom-in-laws bestie probably won’t happen in the course of a day, or even a month. But over time, she will start to come around if you make a solid effort to build a relationship with her.