Have you ever thought about what it’s like to be everything to one person? I often think about this question because I am my husband’s go-to person. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. Actually, it’s a great thing to be wanted and needed by your spouse. But sometimes, it can get exhausting. Imagine filling the role of a wife, friend, financial planner, therapist, lover, and everything else. That’s too much pressure on one person. Of course, I’m not saying that I don’t want to be there for my hubby, but it can be a herculean task to carve out some me-time amidst his needs.
I was discussing my predicament with my colleague, who was about to tie the knot. She was excited about finally marrying the love of her life, and she asked me to share some tips on how to survive life after marriage. Because we all know that life is not just filled with roses after marriage. Several issues creep into your lives, and you have to figure out how to tackle them together. Some of the issues you might be clueless on how to handle. It can get tiring to deal with them, but with some time and mutual support, you will be able to navigate through them and sail smoothly.
When my colleague asked me for advice, I told her to be prepared to be her spouse’s everything. Because I know the roles I have had to fulfill. During the week, I managed his work stress and calmed him down when things got bad. During the weekends, I was his only entertainment because he was not too big on socializing, nor did he have many friends. So I became his best friend and had to fulfill the responsibilities of a wife and lover.
My husband had a difficult life. He faced loss and pain at a young age when he lost his parents and brother in an unfortunate accident. He remained broken and in pain for a long time after the incident. When I urged him to open up to me, he slowly began to share his pain and talk about it. I suggested that he go to a therapist, but he didn’t want to. I knew I could not force him to see someone, so I let it go.
It’s been four years now since we decided to become each other’s forever, and he’s doing great. But sometimes I wish I didn’t have to be his everything. I feel guilty for putting these thoughts down and saying them out loud, but it’s the reality, and I don’t want to hide it anymore.
Because the truth is, being someone’s only friend sucks. It sucks big time. You feel responsible for them — every feeling they find hard to process, every disturbing thought they have, every time they need someone to talk to; you have to be there for them. Especially for someone like me who has a tight set of friends, it’s overwhelming at times to think of my husband’s situation.
I’m grateful to have a network of close friends. I go to them if I want to vent, and they always have my back. Sometimes, I wonder what I would do without them and cannot imagine my life without them. But my husband has only me. For every need, wish, want, and desire, it’s all me. Do you understand the pressure that puts on me? It’s a lot, and sometimes, it’s too much. But I love him and will always be there for him. Lucky for me, I have solid friends in my corner and can vent to them!