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When you first get the news of your pregnancy, you know one thing for sure — your life has done a complete one-eighty. You know you’re going to be a mother, and you know that you’ll bend over backward to make sure that your little one has the best life possible. What you may not know, however, is the gender of your child. Most mothers have certain expectations when it comes to their baby’s gender. Maybe you come from a family where the number of girl babies is on the higher side, so you want to have a baby boy. Or perhaps the prospect of buying the cutest little dresses (let’s admit it — baby girl clothes are the best!) makes you want to have a little girl. No matter what the reason, it is normal to desire a particular gender. Unfortunately, though, we don’t have much say in the matter. So when you have a baby from the less preferred gender, a sense of disappointment may hit you hard. Here are three ways to cope with it:
1. Understand And Talk About Your Feelings
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You need to know something — being disappointed about the gender of your child does not make you a bad mother. You need to understand that to feel this way is entirely normal and acceptable. Don’t villainize yourself for being upset. Accept how you’re feeling, and don’t try to run away from your emotions. It is essential to process how you feel, and to come to terms with it. Do not be ashamed of the way you feel, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Once you understand and accept that you’re feeling a sense of disappointment, sadness, and maybe even loss, talk to someone you trust. It could be your partner, your mother, your friend, or a therapist. When you share your woes with someone, it allows you to see things from a different perspective, and most importantly, it can bring you a sense of relief.
2. Permit Yourself To Love The Baby You Were Expecting
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You were expecting a baby boy or a baby girl, and you probably had all sorts of dreams and plans in your head. But when you realize the baby you just had isn’t the baby you envisioned, you may feel a strong sense of loss for the baby you always wanted. Remember that the grief you are experiencing is basically the love you aren’t able to give to the child you were expecting. So permit yourself to love that child and get some closure. Maybe you could write a letter or have a conversation with yourself. Tell that little girl or little boy that you hoped for them, and unfortunately, things didn’t turn out the way you wanted, but there is no love lost.
3. Know That You Are Still Capable Of Love
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As cheesy as this may sound, it is the truth — you can accommodate another person to love too. Your baby may not be what you expected, but you will eventually grow to love this little child that you made. Some mothers, although disappointed, may feel better soon after the birth of their child, while others may take a little more time. Although you mourn the loss of the child you wanted, tell yourself that you will not deprive this baby that was born to you of the love it truly deserves. Every baby is unique, and you’ll be surprised just how much this baby is going to make you happy.
We said this before, we’re saying it again — it’s normal and acceptable to feel this way sometimes, and there’s no need to be ashamed about it. Everyone has their desire, and you are no exception. You’re going to have some lovely moments with your baby, you’re going to be a wonderful mama, and everything is going to be okay! Have you experienced gender disappointment before, or are you going through it now? Share your experience with us in the comments below!
