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Everyone talks about being pregnant like it’s a time filled with roses and unicorns. The reality is quite different, and I know you would agree with me, my dear moms-to-be. I do not deny that it is a magical time, but there are ugly realities to pregnancy that no one talks about. The nine months of discomfort, pain, and anxiety that pregnant moms go through is so underrated. I know I’m not the only one. But the sad part is, it doesn’t end there. Sure, my physical misery and pain might not exist anymore after I had my firstborn, but things changed — a lot.
My husband and I were exhausted all the time. We could barely get through the day every day and were physically drained. Lucky for me, my mother decided to come to stay with me. She was a big help and helped my partner and me get through those first few months after childbirth without much hassle. Now, I’m all set to try for my second baby.
We’ve been trying for a few months, and I gotta say, I’m not as excited as I was the first time. I want a second baby, and I’m ready for it, but the thought of going through those first few months of sleepless nights and tiring days is not appealing to me. As much as I want another angel in my life and a sibling for my first child, I have been unearthing some unpleasant memories of being a new mom and boy; they are not fun!
I often wonder if I can handle all of it again when I barely made it through the first time. The sleepless nights being a big one, and then pumping at work? Ugh. Returning to the office after my maternity leave and having to stay away from my little one. The pain and panic that comes with these memories are quite frankly frightening.
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So, I had this crazy idea. I decided to change things up from the way I did with baby #1. Let’s start with the nights. I plan to place a crib next to my bed in the same room. That way, I don’t have to walk to the next room and waste my time at night. Plus, I’ll always have my little one right beside me, and the anxiety and fear of not hearing her crying won’t overwhelm me.
The next thing is going easy on myself. So what if I sleep a little extra on one day? It’s not the end of the world. I realized that many of my feelings of disappointment and worry stemmed from my expectations of being a mother. I don’t have to be perfect, and I’m allowed to take it easy. From trying to keep the house spotless to ordering take-out once in a while, I’ve decided to loosen up a bit.
The last and most important thing is that I will look out for myself. If I just had a newborn, I don’t have to worry about hosting people, keeping the house clean, helping others out, and making sure everyone is happy. No. Just no. I’ve decided that I’ll help when I want, be social when I want, and I’m not doing everyone else’s laundry and chores.
This time I am putting my baby and myself first. Everyone else comes second, and I’m not going to feel guilty for it. It might seem selfish, but at this point, I really don’t give a hoot. Maybe it’s time we all ditch the ridiculous expectations we have on mothers, so they don’t have to feel pressured to be perfect. If anyone has a problem with this (hello hubby, I’m talking to you), maybe you should try putting yourself in my shoes for once. There, I said it! As much as I’m looking forward to baby #2, this time, I’m doing things differently and making the experience better for me!
