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Remember when you promised yourself, now that you are a parent, you would never raise your voice at your little ones? Well, now that your child is tearing and throwing everything around, it’s natural for the dam of your patience to break. Most children, after a certain age test the limits of your patience, and they will always try and push the boundaries to check how to get to you. And as a new parent who is experiencing tantrums for the first time, it might occur to you that screaming your heart out might be the solution, but sadly, it never is! So how do you control your anger and not let it get the best of you? Well, we are here to help you. Read to know how you can train yourself to handle tantrums your kids throw at you and not lose your calm. Read on to know them all.
How To Deal With Rage?
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Being human means that you’ll occasionally enter “fight or flight” mode, and when that happens, your child may start to seem like the enemy. Under the grip of rage, our bodies become lethal weapons (1). A chemical tsunami occurs in our bodies, consisting mostly of hormones and neurotransmitters. Tension builds up in the body as a result of these stimuli, as does the heart rate and breathing rate. It’s difficult to maintain composure in such situations, but as parents, we know that while screaming at our children would make us feel better in the short term, it’s not what we actually want to do. Remember, the real enemy is your anger and not your kids. Here are some ways to put an effective fight against your anger.
1. Limit Your Anger
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When we lose our calm with our kids, it’s usually because we haven’t established a firm enough boundary around their irritating behavior from them. When anger arises, that’s when you know it’s time to take action. But you can’t shout at them, instead get involved constructively to stop the annoying conduct from continuing. If the kids are engaged in behavior that is starting to annoy you, like playing a game where someone could get hurt, taking too long to finish what you asked them to do, or fighting while you’re on the phone, it might be necessary to stop what you’re doing, reaffirm your expectation, but also redirect them so that the situation doesn’t get worse.
2. Calm Yourself Before Acting Out
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When you feel your anger rising, simply pause, drop (your plans for a second), and breathe. These three simple acts of self-awareness can help you get control of your emotions and your body. Take a deep breath; it’s your “pause” button. It’s an option you can take advantage of. Do you want to let those feelings take control of you? Laughter is a great stress reliever and mood elevator, so if you can, try to find something to chuckle about (2). Even if you have to force a grin, it will convey a signal to your nervous system that there’s no immediate danger, which will help you relax. Make some noise by humming if you must. Try putting on such music and moving to release some of that pent-up anger.
3. Hear Yourself Out
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The solution may be as simple as enforcing rules before a situation escalates, putting the kids to bed half an hour early, or mending fences with a disobedient child so they stop being disrespectful to you. When one parent isn’t pulling their weight in the household, it’s easy for resentment to extend to the other parent. Sometimes the solution is that we need to go to counseling or join a parents’ self-help group because we are harboring unresolved anger that is being projected onto our children.
4. Never Use Physical Force
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Using your hands on your kids is frowned upon in many countries. JK! Any caretaker could be put behind bars if they are found to use physical force on kids, so we should let this point go before even delving into it. And not that physical force ever did any good in parenting! It will only give way to numerous parenting problems.
5. Avoid Making Threats
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Making a threat when you’re upset will always backfire on you. Threats only work if you really carry them out, so using them to get your kids to behave reduces your authority and decreases the likelihood that they will behave the next time.
6. Monitor Your Tone Of Voice
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Studies have shown that when we talk more gently, people reply with greater composure (3). Similarly, using profanity or another emotionally charged language only serves to further inflame both you and your kids. In a conversation, our voice style and the words we choose may either soothe ourselves or irritate the other person.
Just like every other emotion we have, anger is a part of us, and we must learn how to express ourselves the right way, especially in front of children. Even though kids have their ways to push all your buttons, bursting out is never going to improve any situation. As a parent, you need to tame your anger and bring out the peace-loving angel in you. Once you subside your anger, half the battle is won. So, which of these tricks do you find most useful? Let us know in the comments section!
