Image: Shutterstock
It all started when my son was born. My husband’s parents live two lanes away and were ever ready to lend a helping hand. It was a big deal because we could use all the help we could get. My parents lived abroad, so they could not be there for me when I had my son. I’m so grateful for my husband’s parents because they take care of my baby, husband, and house. They even made sure I was comfortable and resting after my delivery. I cannot imagine how difficult it would have been for my husband and me to manage a newborn without their help.
I’m incredibly thankful to them, but of late, my father-in-law has started becoming very critical of me and my parenting. This wasn’t the case before. But now, he seems to criticize almost every one of my parenting decisions, and it has started getting to me. What’s strange is that I’ve had quite a healthy relationship with my father-in-law. Until my son was born. We used to play cards, ludo, chess, and carrom together. We shared a relationship that was almost like a friendship. Sometimes, we would even come together to pull my husband’s leg. That’s the relationship we shared, and now, things have started going sideways.
When I spoke to my best friend about it, she told me to ignore what he says. But because of the kind of relationship I shared with him, I find it difficult to do that. I shut down and get into a shell when he passes a rude comment about how I have so much to learn about being a mother. What’s worse is that he makes these comments in front of other people who laugh it off. Because most often, they assume that he’s only kidding. I thought so too initially, but with time, I’ve realized that it isn’t.
My husband has noticed his comments on my parenting skills, and thankfully, he is supportive. We spoke about it, and we both agreed that it’s not because he does not like me as a person. But he cannot put a finger on it. Neither can I. But I’m not unfamiliar with how sour relationships with in-laws can make things difficult for the spouse, and I would not wish that on my husband.
Image: Shutterstock
I want my son to have a healthy and comfortable relationship with his grandparents. I want them to be present on birthdays, holidays, prom, graduation, and festivals. I want my kids to grow up with grandparents they love and adore, but the way things are proceeding, I’m afraid that it might not happen. I had to gain some clarity, so I opened up to my friend, who is a family and relationship counselor. While explaining the situation to her, it dawned on me that my father-in-law might be projecting from the lack of love, experiences, or guidance he had in his childhood. Because his issue started with me right after I assumed the role of a mother, and not before that.
She told me that it’s best to address my concern now and nip it in the bud rather than let it fester. She suggested that I bring it up in an amicable way rather than approaching it from a defensive or aggressive angle. On some level, I do know that it’s not about my parenting. Maybe it’s because I have stopped giving him time, and my attention has been shifted to my baby. I know that that is inevitable, but perhaps my father-in-law is not taking that too well.
Because honestly, we did spend a lot of time together before I had my baby, and maybe he misses that time. He might be missing his everyday game of chess or might be feeling a tad bit left out. Will it be too much if I confront him directly the next time he passes a negative comment? I am clueless about how that conversation would go, but there is only one way to find out!
