Teenage Tantrums: Understand How To Handle Them

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“You just don’t understand me!” How often have you heard your teenage daughter or son say this after a meltdown? When your kid was a toddler and threw a tantrum, you wished he/she would grow up soon. But then, after a brief lull, your child entered teenage and those nightmares are back to haunt you! Now, your child throws a fit at the drop of a hat for the silliest of reasons. Sometimes, with no reason at all. Sounds familiar? If this behavior of your teenage son/daughter has thrown you totally off-guard, then no need to panic. We, at MomJunction, give you a low-down about teen tantrums and how you can handle them.

In This Article

Reasons Behind The Tantrums

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Firstly, you need to understand why your teenage daughter or son starts behaving differently in general. Earlier, you made all the decisions for them. But now, your kids will start coming into their own. They want to make decisions for themselves sans your help. This urge to do their own thing will only do them a whale of good in the future. However, don’t take this new sense of independence as a rebellion.

Secondly, most teens will start hitting puberty, and hormonal changes during this phase are pretty natural. In fact, even the brain behaves differently during adolescence, leading them to become impulsive, have hair-trigger emotions, and misinterpret social cues (1).

Tips To Handle The Tantrum

If and when the storm hits you, there is a two-step way to handle it.

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Step One: Let them get it off their chest. Be completely patient and calm while listening to your child’s rant. When he/she eventually slows down or to catch a breath, this is when you can figure out the root cause of the tantrum. Your child might be complaining about you giving more preference to a younger sibling. But, during the rant, might say something like, “You weren’t around even on the day I got poor grades in math and was upset.” In all probability, this could be ‘the’ reason.

Sometimes, teenagers themselves don’t know what’s wrong. Even if they do, they may not tell things directly. Result: a lot of things pile up on their mind, affecting them. And a silly issue would have triggered their outburst. Despite teens not wanting to take your help, they actually do need you. By listening to them, you can help to pinpoint the problem and give it a name. “So, your poor grades in math has affected you, isn’t it?” Once your child calms down and is ready to talk (rather than a rant), step 2 comes into the picture.

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Step Two: Help solve their problems. This part is like a tight rope walk. Most probably, your child would have already figured out a few solutions on his/her own. And this talk would be all about the solutions you offer matching with theirs. Any slight change, and it’ll trigger them again. So, play it safe by asking your child first how he/she wishes to deal with it. Discuss the pros and cons of each option. If both of you reach the same conclusion, then kudos to you. You’ve won the battle!!

However, in case your child is not happy with any of the options that you discuss, then try and offer some of yours. Even if those options too do not satisfy your child and he/she seems to be getting irritable and restless again, then it’s time to let them cool off. Tell your child gently that he/she needs to relax a bit and remove yourself out of the situation. But not before assuring your kid that you’ll discuss this again in a more congenial environment like – “Let’s discuss this over some snacks after you’ve had a nap” So far you’ve done your best.

Image: IStock

Throwing a tantrum is actually a way your teenage kid is trying to communicate with you. They might be hurt, upset, or confused about a lot of things and don’t know how to articulate it effectively in words. So deal with them with a lot of patience and calm. It might not be easy, but remember that, like everything else, this is a phase. Even this shall pass!

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