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My yearning to have a baby was growing with time. So when I first found out that I was expecting a little over eleven months ago, I felt exhilarated. And although I hadn’t mapped out a birth plan, I just assumed there would be a lot of medication involved in the process.
I didn’t want any complications. I just wanted my husband and me to feel that we are safe and are going to have a healthy baby. No matter what the cost! So much so that at the last minute, the doctor mentioned that I needed a C-section. Little did I think, this would matter to me more than ever!
I was beyond happy to hear that I was pregnant. But my pregnancy didn’t follow through very smoothly.
My height is a little below five feet. Needless to say, carrying out my pregnancy with that big baby bump was a task to remember! Especially if I count the emergency trips to the hospital during my last trimester. And by the time my water broke and my baby was positioned facing downwards, I wasn’t dilated — not even one centimeter!
I was very calm when I went into labor. I didn’t want to be pregnant anymore. So when the contractions began, it was a reminder that the course of my pregnancy was ending. And there would be a little munchkin on the other side of this not-so-happy experience, who would make all of this — worth it.
The doctor suggested that I try and relax. As only once my cervix had dilated a little could we get going! So it only made sense to be in bed until it was showtime. But in all honesty, relaxing was never on the cards! I was in bed until told otherwise, trying to stay optimistic about the outcomes.
My obstetrician entered the hospital room to check up on me. And I couldn’t be more hopeful for all of this to be over soon. I wanted to hold my baby in my arms and forget all about this unpleasant experience. That’s when it all happened!
I found out that I needed to have a C-section.
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Everything happened so quickly that I had no time to process anything. I was numb thinking about the safety of my baby and myself. More so, afraid. I never had surgery prior to this. But within a couple of minutes, I could hear the sound of my baby girl and my husband yelling, “you did it!”.
I could only get a glimpse of her before she vanished! The nurses cleaned her up as I stayed glued to the bed while the doctors stitched me back up. Even though I felt afraid, I was relieved to know my baby girl was safe and I would get to hold her very soon. The anesthesia helps for sure! I felt so loopy that this could very much be a dream.
I felt dazed during the first few weeks after I had my baby girl.
I won’t lie. It wasn’t all hunky-dory after I had my baby. I was in need of assistance to do something as simple as getting dressed or going to the bathroom. Sleep eluded me for weeks, and breastfeeding wasn’t all that easy. It felt like my incision was taking over my life!
Eventually, I realized that my baby girl was the best thing that happened to me!
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After weeks of reliving the trauma, I had to let PTSD take the backseat! Although slow, I was healing. And that’s when I realized I have an amazing baby girl who matters to me more than her birth story. So what if I may not have had a regular delivery? She was still a part of me. She was a miracle in between the chaos of the pandemic. So she was indeed special! Perhaps the saying rings true; the journey makes your visit to the destination — one to remember!
