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Every parent struggles with trying to balance work obligations, family responsibility, chores and making time for each kid. Some days are seamless and other days can leave you winded. But being a little preoccupied or busy every now and then doesn’t make you a neglectful parent. A neglectful parent is defined by the American Psychology Association as unresponsive, unavailable, and rejecting. They tend to raise kids with low self-esteem and next to no self confidence. And as hard as this can be on the children, neglectful parenting doesn’t only affect them. Trying to be a parent alongside someone who clearly won’t do their part can be frustrating and lonely. It’s an experience that you must strive to avoid. It’s important to recognize right away that your partner is being neglectful towards the kids so that you can keep your kids from finding harmful new role models and build some sense of security with them. You can also start the process of building better parenting styles and strategies sooner. Here’s everything you need to know about dealing with a neglectful parent.
The Origins Of Neglectful Parenting
Neglectful parenting is not just a casual label for poor child-rearing practices; it is rooted in academic research. Psychologist Diana Baumrind at the University of California in Berkeley observed numerous parents and categorized them into three distinct parenting styles: authoritarian, permissive, and authoritative. These styles were based on the degree of care and expectations parents exhibited towards their children. This research took place in the 1960s. It wasn’t until 1983 that Stanford professors Eleanor Maccoby and John Martin introduced neglectful parenting to Baumrind’s established framework. They observed that this particular parenting style involved a deficiency in both setting expectations for children and providing care.
How Can I Tell If My Partner Is A Neglectful Parent?
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Sometimes it takes a while to realize what neglect really is and what it can look like. Neglect is when the physical and emotional needs of your child are not being met by your partner. And although it is easier to recognize when kids have been physically neglected, that is, when basic needs like food, clothing and shelter are not being met, it is equally important to recognize when your child’s emotional needs are being brushed aside. These basic emotional needs include a sense of security, trust, protection, play, stability, autonomy, freedom of expression coupled with healthy boundaries and limits. These needs not being met is a strong sign of parental neglect.
The first thing to ask yourself when contemplating if your partner is a neglectful parent is to what extent they are ignoring the needs of your child. And how this in turn affects your child’s behavior and development of child-concept. Does your partner constantly put their own wants and needs before those of their child? Does your child feel devalued, worthless and unimportant because of this behavior? If yes, you have your answer. Uninvolved parenting can also look drastically different depending on the age of the child. In the early months of childhood a lack of interest when it comes to feeding, comforting or even playing with the baby can be signs of neglectful parenting. This doesn’t mean that your partner is neglectful simply because they hate diaper duty. But if they’d rather pretend that the baby isn’t there to begin with, this is a problem. This can lead to them ignoring an older child when they are trying to speak or express themselves. They might skip doing extra curricular activities with them and fail to set appropriate limits and consequences. This too can be a sign of neglect.
What To Do When Your Partner Is A Neglectful Parent?
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In case your attempts to communicate with your partner prove unsuccessful and the situation has already escalated, seeking the assistance of a qualified mediator can be a game-changer. This professional possesses the expertise to assess neglect and facilitate constructive, non-blaming dialogues between both parents. Additionally, they can provide guidance to you and your partner on transitioning from a distant parenting style to a more involved and engaged approach with your children. It’s important to recognize that many individuals become parents without a comprehensive understanding of the complexities involved in child-rearing. Enhancing your own emotional intelligence is the most effective way to ensure you have the necessary skills to become an attentive and capable parent.
Having a partner who is a neglectful parent can be hard on you and the kids and cause a lot of strain. But it doesn’t have to stay this way. With a little professional help and guidance, your partner can turn things around for the better!
Sources
1. Parenting Dimensions and Styles: A Brief History and Recommendations for Future Research, NCBI
2. Parenting Styles: A Closer Look at a Well-Known Concept, NCBI
