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Your partner is the one person you should count on to have your back in every situation. And, it is never more crucial that you are both on the same page than it is when you have kids. After having babies, your partner isn’t just your support system, but your teammate. However, any couple will tell you that having kids often adds a new layer of stress in your relationship. Oftentimes, the technical aspects of coordinating various schedules can make you feel like you and your partner are just managers running a chaotic show. But it’s when the going gets tough that you really need to stick together. So, if you’re wondering what kind of issues you could run into after having kids or already have a few of them, and want some solutions, you’ve come to the right place. Keep reading to know more!
1. You Fight More Due To Added Duties
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Most people work full time jobs before the baby arrives. But once the baby is born, the mother usually stays home to look after the little one and the household while the father supports the family financially. Now, although assuming stereotypical gender roles isn’t the problem, it can lead to frustration when either party is too tired to help the other with their tasks.
For example, if you’ve been feeding the baby, doing dishes and laundry all day you are not going to want to help with filing taxes at night. Similarly, if your partner has been out working, they are less likely to do chores at home. The best thing to do in this situation is to be specific about what you need help with. Which part of the tax filing process does your partner want you to handle? What chore do you need your partner to handle right away? Prioritize the things you need them to do and give them specific directions on how to do it. And of course, make sure to thank them once they’ve helped you out.
2. Your Parenting Styles Differ
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You don’t need to have the exact same parenting styles in order to agree on how to discipline or parent your kids. Couples get stuck in a bind when they need to make decisions when it comes to the kids and butt heads. Keep in mind that this is normal and is bound to happen. After all, you and your partner are two different people so it’s okay to have opposing views. It opens up a conversation and is a great way to explore why you and your partner are inflexible in certain areas. So make sure to sit down and listen to each other’s perspectives before picking a fight with each other. Once you have both said your piece you can compromise and come up with a solution together. Remember, every family and child is different, so your kid may not have the same experiences you did. Keep an open mind and put them first.
3. You Have No Free Time For Yourself Or Your Relationship
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It’s hard to make time for yourself when you’ve got a relationship and kids to worry about. And before you know it, going out and having a good time even once in a while may seem like a dream to you. But this isn’t a good thing. Everyone needs a break from being a parent to let their hair down and just enjoy being by themselves or with their partner. Make sure to give yourself some free time out of the house on a regular basis in order to re-energize yourself. This could be something as simple as going for a 15 minute walk everyday or reading a chapter of your favorite book. Similarly, don’t forget to carve out time with your partner. You could plan a date night every two weeks or just take 10 minutes to cuddle before going to sleep every night. But it’s important to spend time together that does not center around the kids.
4. You Worry About Money
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Kids are expensive so facing a few financial hurdles once you have a few is inevitable. However, you need to come up with a long term solution for your financial anxiety so that you don’t get worked up every time you hit a road bump. Start saving money before you plan to have kids and decide who the main financial caregiver will be. Then try to come up with as many different sources of income as possible. Looking into making profitable investments and allocate a portion of your income for savings. Discuss when you will be going back to work and what your financial contributions will be.
Although having kids can sometimes complicate things with your partner, at the end of the day you learn to overcome obstacles together and become closer. Keep in mind that you are on the same team even when you disagree with each other and that you have a better chance at coming up with solutions when you work together.
