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Every parent wants the best for their children, and to ensure this, they often discipline them or lecture them on how to conduct themselves. Unfortunately, when it comes to raising sons, that narrative can often drift towards the conversation of conveying that they need to “act like a man” which is just a roundabout way of stifling their emotions and reactions. Although you may mean well, telling your son to “be a man” will not teach him the good qualities that he needs to cultivate, nor will it encourage him to learn behaviorisms that are more beneficial.
Instead, it can make your son feel like a project and make him overlook his personality and unique characteristics to forcefully fit into a stereotypical mold of what he ought to be. This then leads to him suppressing and overriding his emotions. As time progresses, he will lose touch with his feelings and not know how to recognize most of them, let alone express them. As a result, upon reaching adulthood, most boys struggle with being emotionally present, leading to academic underperformance, fighting, recklessness, and other negative consequences. And that doesn’t sound like the attributes of a well-rounded person. This is why allowing your son to be emotional is so integral to their overall development and wellbeing. Here are a few reasons why allowing your son to be emotional is a good thing- for them and for society.
1. Emotions Are A Fundamental Part Of Being Human
All humans are born with emotions and this isn’t something you should train out of your sons. Firstly, the notion that you can make someone stop feeling emotions is absurd. At best, all you can do is pressure them into burying them which will only lead to inner turmoil and a deep sense of dissatisfaction later on in life. It’s not natural to shut off our emotions. As human beings all of us experience emotions raging from positive ones like joy and satisfaction to negative emotions like fear, anger and unhappiness. The key is not to bury them but to be able to control them and cope with them in healthy ways. Your sons feel a full spectrum of emotions just like your daughters do. Allow them to redirect unhealthy emotions in positive ways and teach them how to make peace with their thoughts and feelings instead of constantly battling them. This will result in a far more level headed and calm person than someone who bottles up their emotions and will explode at any given moment.
2. Advocate For Your Son And His Interests
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Pigeonholing boys into a stereotypical box happens from day one. Most boys are told to stop crying or throwing tantrums when they are little to be “strong boys.” They are not allowed to play with dolls or take up activities such as painting that seem too feminine. Instead, they trade it for a sport they feel pressured to excel at, to meet expectations of loving competition, playing through pain, and seeking dominance. Although these attributes are not negative, and sports must definitely be enjoyed, associating them to what constitutes a man will only discourage him further and adversely affect him if he does not show a natural inclination towards them. There are many ways parents can help by running interference and normalizing when their boys are struggling. Thinking about the overall situation and what he is struggling with will help you gain an idea as to toeing the line of setting limits and validating his feelings. Your goal is to empower him to stand up to external pressures.
3. Focus On The Things That Matter
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It’s about time as a society that we start focusing on the things that truly matter. While we can be so keen on getting our children educated, it is most imperative that we train their emotions first. This will allow their emotions to serve as a premise upon which their cognitive functions and judgements rests. This is important in order to form a conducive link between your son’s thoughts and emotions. Your child must be able to make sense of what they are feeling and why and gauge if their reaction is warranted or excessive by taking situations into account. By experiencing a full range of emotions you are helping your child identify them and be rational about them, which is what being a well-adjusted human being is all about.
4. Help Them Develop Good Relationships
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Emotional awareness and expressiveness are important skills that everyone should develop. And developing relationships is the best way to practice forming them. Expressing one’s feelings only comes when one feels protected from shame and judgment. Removing barriers and threats is a great way to encourage your son to share his feelings, no matter how raw or unpleasant they may feel. Most sons often express anger as it is the one emotion they are not belittled for feeling, but as time goes by, they will start to articulate other emotions.
Remember, your son is a human who deserves to be able to feel and express their emotions in appropriate ways. Encouraging them to do so will only lead to a more well rounded person who understands empathy and kindness. Happy parenting!
