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Every new parent tries their best to raise their child using their own unique parenting method. The way you were raised could influence how you want to bring your children up. It has been observed that parents who grew up in disciplined homes wish to impart the same habits to their children (1). You might bend the rules here and there, but the principles you carry from your childhood reflect how you want to raise your own kids. However, not all the parenting techniques used by the previous generation can or should be followed by the future generation. Some should be left behind for the best. Read on to know which ones you should avoid at all costs.
1. Playing “Good Cop Vs. Bad Cop”
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If you grew up in a home where one parent constantly scolded you and the other was permissive, you might notice that pattern in your own parenting. Although your personality may naturally fall into such categories, shifting to the opposite side might be difficult if you continually play the same character. Moreover, according to certain studies, this strategy might be difficult for both children and parents (2).
2. Making Projections
We unconsciously project our own adolescent anxieties, desires, and goals onto our children at times. We presume that our children have the same feelings, aspirations, and life experiences we did as kids. It’s essentially acting as if we’re parenting ourselves instead of our children.
3. Replicating
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Some parents find that they behave similarly to their parents in certain situations. We may find ourselves speaking in the same tone as our dad or imitating the unpleasant behaviors we witnessed as children. However, just because we have learned certain behaviors from our parents does not imply that it is correct. If these remarks and acts include harsh words or corporal violence, we should make every effort to improve them.
4. Defending Oneself
This is a regular occurrence when we continue to use the exact protection mechanisms that worked for us as children. For example, children raised by parents who ignored them may have learned to be self-sufficient early on. Unfortunately, it may also jeopardize adult relationships, such as those with our children.
5. Excessive Compensation
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When we have bad childhood experiences, we may strive to compensate for how our parents treated us. However, we must be cautious not to overdo it.
6. Being Irritated
It’s typical for parents to “lose it” and become enraged when irritated with their children’s behavior. When we’re “triggered” by circumstances that remind us of terrible occurrences from our childhood, it’s essential to be more aware of what sparked the overreaction. When our child’s acts trigger us, we should strive to figure out what is causing this behavior rather than becoming angry as our parents did.
7. Recreating
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Whether our childhood circumstances were excellent or unfavorable, we establish some behavioral patterns that might drive us to replicate the same adverse events as our parents. Even if these experiences are unpleasant, we may unintentionally recreate them since they are familiar. For example, if your family didn’t talk freely about difficulties while growing up, you may replicate this avoidant strategy, even though you know it’d be better to explain what’s going on.
8. Overburdening Your Child With Extracurricular Activities
Parents who participated in various activities as children often assume that it is the most excellent approach to keep their children occupied. On the other hand, an overburdened schedule might leave a child fatigued and irritable. Furthermore, these activities may not represent a child’s interests. Finally, this type of overscheduling frequently indicates a lack of quality family time between children and parents, mainly due to parents’ unwillingness to make time for the child following school.
9. Paying Attention To Your Inner Self
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Negative self-perceptions that we established early in life might occasionally continue to impact us. When we become parents, these fears tend to become more visible. Perhaps we felt insufficient or inconspicuous as kids, and we now see ourselves as weak as adults. These flaws often come to the surface whenever we try to punish our children or look tough in front of them.
12. Aiming For Perfection
If you grew up in a home that demanded perfection, you’re likely to require that from your children. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting a child to succeed and achieve high goals, expecting these can lead to various emotional issues later. People raised by perfectionists are more likely to suppress their feelings, have difficulty handling criticism, and become people-pleasers.
13. Prioritizing Yourself
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Many of us have parents, particularly mothers, who are hesitant to spend time away from their parental responsibilities. However, we must not overlook the necessity of self-care. We often learn from our moms, so parents must provide a positive example for their children.
Parenting methods have altered to fit generational demands, which means what seemed perfect to your grandmother won’t necessarily work for you now. The secret is to follow your own instincts and get to understand your child more. So, which of these parenting techniques from the past could you relate to the most? Let us know in the comments section!
