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As much as we’d like to believe in the concept of “happily ever after” sometimes things just don’t work out that way, and before you know it, you and your partner are parting ways. Divorces are fairly common in today’s day and age. But just because it’s normalized, doesn’t make it okay. After all divorce is the end of love and togetherness, not just for you and your partner but especially your children. Divorce can make your children extremely vulnerable and volatile as to them, you are breaking up their family which is their foundation and main source of security. This can be traumatic and stressful to them and can cause an irreparable rift between children and their parents. Although divorce may be inevitable, there are a few behaviors that you can avoid in order to make the transition easier on your child. Here are a couple of mistakes parents must avoid making with regard to their child while going through a divorce.
1. You Perceive Your Child As An Adult
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Let’s start by emphasizing a crucial point: your child is not an adult. Regardless of how mature or reasonable they may seem when dealing with your divorce, it’s important to recognize that they may not fully grasp the reasons behind it, your emotional state, or your feelings. And that’s absolutely normal. Even adults struggle with understanding their own motivations and emotions, so it’s unrealistic to expect your child to effortlessly do the same. In fact, your children likely have their own inner struggles to contend with at this time, and what they need most is your reassurance and support.
Therefore, it’s your responsibility to have open and honest conversations with them. Your children require your guidance and the ability to express their concerns without constantly having to console and comfort you.
2. You Make Your Child Choose
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The worst thing you can do to your child is force them to choose between their parents. It’s bad enough that they have to make this decision in terms of logistics and what makes sense geographically like, which parent’s residence they will stay in and who they want to spend the majority of their time with. But asking them to make this decision on an emotional level is much worse. After all, children need both their parents for various different reasons in order to develop well. Not to mention that it will make your child feel guilty as they think they are betraying either parent if they choose between them. This isn’t fair to your child. Settle this matter in court or decide the details with your spouse and allow your child to have a say instead of forcing them to make all the hard decisions for you.
3. Trying To Be The Favorite Parent
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Attempting to outshine your partner can inadvertently harm your child. Indulging your child in all the activities your spouse prohibits or satisfying their every desire can undermine the discipline your spouse has established and result in spoiling your child in the worst way. Over time, your child may begin to disregard your advice and rules, which can have detrimental long-term effects on their personality.
It is crucial to reach an agreement with your partner regarding how you will jointly raise your children in the aftermath of your divorce. Discuss the guiding principles you both intend to follow, your parenting approach, and the values you aim to instill in your child. Maintaining discipline and a shared understanding of what is acceptable remains important, even amidst the challenges of divorce. This also extends to decisions about activities or purchases for your child. If you plan to take them on a vacation or make significant expenditures, it’s essential to consult with your spouse to ensure both parents are aligned.
4. You Are Negative Towards Your Partner
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Your child doesn’t need to be involved in the nitty gritty details of why you are getting a divorce. Talking about their parent negatively is only going to frustrate them and make them keep their distance from the both of you. Similarly, don’t use your child as a mediator between you and your spouse. If you are unable to talk to your partner without having an outburst, meet at a neutral public spot to discuss things and leave your child out of it. Remember, no matter what your partner did to you, they are still an integral part of your child’s life. So be respectful to one another.
Divorce is not easy for anybody. But it can be particularly scary for a child. After all, their parents are their everything and having their family torn after can be traumatic. As you and your family navigate through this stressful time and settle into the changes, be patient and understanding towards your little one. Remember to always put them first!
