We learn the importance of self-love later in life. After the heartbreaks, betrayals, and hatred that we face, after we’ve hit rock bottom and think we don’t have the strength to make it to tomorrow, that’s when we find it. We learn, grow, and establish ourselves from ground zero and rise from the ashes like a phoenix. It’s not a comfortable journey, but we slowly learn to accept and love ourselves, and when we do, no one else matters. All the hate comments, judgment, and hurtful criticism do not faze us. We feel stronger, braver, and kinder. But it takes a while to get there.
When I became a mom, I swore to myself that I would teach my kids the importance of self-love. After two years of my marriage, I had a daughter, and she became the love of my life. Every decision I made, her comfort was of utmost importance. I brought her up like the precious soul that she is and protected her for as long as possible. Today she is 9 years old, and she has already been subjected to the unkind world and its hateful comments.
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She has been called too much of everything terrible: ugly, stupid, fat, poor, loud, and messy. She has listened to her peers distastefully comment on her body, face, clothes, hair, and looks. My daughter has been left out of the invitation list for birthday parties, bar mitzvahs, and sleepovers because she was not cute enough or funny enough. At 9 years old, she has faced a lot of discrimination that has taken a toll on her health, mentally and physically.
My daughter is beautiful. She is enough, and she is kind. I am not affected by these bashful comments because I know they are not true. They are just hate comments spewed out by a bunch of bullies who do not know how to be kind. I know this, but my daughter doesn’t. What hurts me the most is that she believes them. She feels so broken by these comments that she hates going to school anymore. She has stopped eating, playing, dancing, and even smiling. She is not the bubbly, chirpy, and happy girl she used to be, and that kills me more than anything else.
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Granted that she is just a 9-year-old, and it is unfair that she has faced this kind of treatment from her peers. But let me tell you that the world is unkind. It’s a place full of bullies who do not care about anyone but themselves. If it weren’t now, she would have learned these lessons as she grew up. That’s why it’s so important to love yourself. It takes effort and daily reminders to practice self-love. It’s not easy, especially in a world that’s constantly reminding you that you are not good enough, where there is so much negativity.
But let me tell you something, dear parents, your children look up to you and learn from you. They mirror your actions and behaviors in ways that will appall you. So don’t forget to set the right example. Don’t forget to love yourself. When my daughter was born, I vowed to erase the self-hate and self-deprecation from my life because I would never want her to doubt herself. After all, if she sees me doing that with myself, it is going to influence her.
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If this hit home for you, it’s probably because you pictured your kids’ going through similar struggles, and it hurt. But this is not an independent fight or story. Every mother who is raising a daughter can relate because the world does not give up on any opportunity to make young girls feel bad about themselves. There is already so much negativity about not being good enough in this world, and we should not and cannot add to that!
