Little children are largely governed by emotions like happiness, sadness, and may be a bit of wanting and jealousy. But they never cling to theses emotions for long. Their mood changes are organic, like flowing water. But as we grow older, we start clinging to our emotions and harbor negativity within ourselves. It prevents us from going back or loving back a person with same openness and facility.
Even the relationships involving romance are no different. When you are in love, the initial phase seems very cozy because you always go that extra mile to make the other person comfortable. But once you settle down in a relationship, you often start feeling irritated, angry and frustrated due to so many things that your partner does or says. This may lead to fights and outbursts, accompanied by an angry exchange of words. Words once out can’t be taken back, and recalling them can be as painful as the event itself.
So where does this unpleasantness lead to? What becomes the outcome of such arguments? Do they yield to anything positive? In most cases, the answer is NO. Then you might wonder if all this argument and unpleasantness is worth the pain and disregard you go through. What if there could be a more civil way to handle the disagreements, the arguments and the anger?
Well, there is, and that is to go for a PAUSE. It is literally taking some time-out before all the burns and fizz that your mind has experienced settle down. If they don’t, it might lead to more damage. Pausing and reflecting over the real issues is much more important than winning the fight. This leads to greater clarity and understanding between you and your partner (1).
There can be both a negative pause and positive pause in a relationship. Negative pause is a result of your escalating ego that dismisses any perspective/ opinion that comes from your partner and you withdraw from the scene in a haughty huff. Or it can also be due to escapism on part of the leaving partner to avoid further unpleasantness and fights. This may harbor a feeling of rejection and abandonment in the other person and can cause more harm than good.
Positive pause is the one in which both the partners reflect on their disagreements and decide to arrive at a middle ground or mutual understanding. They try to be more mindful of the other’s views and opinions and work upon handling the issues in a peaceful manner.
How to execute a positive pause in a relationship?
1. Decide mutually
When you decide to pause and take a break, decide it mutually so that both are involved in the process of emotional healing. It imparts a sense of togetherness.
When you feel that things are getting too heated up, feel free to communicate with your partner that you both should calm down and talk it out later, with a cool mind.
3. Make it short
Just because you have taken a break, don’t drag it for too long. Make it a few hours and get back to normalcy over a cup of coffee and some constructive conversations.
Whatever the problem might be, it is a good idea to talk it out and plan what could be done with the issues or things that cause friction between both of you.
5. Heal and repair
Since you had a rough time, you could indulge in something that both of you enjoy. That could probably be a candle-lit dinner or catching up on a movie. Kind words and quality time, both are effective in bringing down the tension that might have caused you grief.
These were some ways by which a break or pause can help overcome a stressful situation. It can be very useful in mending strained relationships and restore love and faith between the partners.