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Parenting is a complicated process. No parent is given a set of rules to raise children. Because every child is different, there is no list of guidelines that parents can follow to bring up a child. Parents have a huge influence on their children and their upbringing solely depends on the values you inculcate in them. But in this process of instilling the right values in your children, you may falter and inflict harm on your child unintentionally. Worried about what we’re talking about? Fret not, you’ve come to the right place! Today, we list down seven unintentional parenting behaviors that can hurt your child. Keep reading to know what behaviors to avoid as parents:
1. Shielding Them From Pain
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As parents, it’s natural to want to protect your kids from harm’s way, no matter how big or small. But there are times when you have to let your kids feel discomfort and pain instead of shielding them from it. No, we don’t mean that you should inflict pain on your child just to “toughen them up”, but avoid protecting them from realities they have to face. For example, if your child’s pet dog has passed away, let them deal with the loss and pain of losing a pet. Do not tell them they ran away or went to a forest to live with their friends.
2. Praising Them Only For Their Achievements
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Yes, it’s important to praise your kids when they secure first place, win a race, or become the debate club captain, but don’t limit your appreciation only to their achievements. Acknowledge their efforts and hard work, even when they don’t win. Your kids will grow up to become adults who measure their success only by achievements which can be detrimental to their mental well-being. It can put immense pressure on them, making them unhappy as adults.
3. Invalidating Their Feelings
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Kids have a lot of feelings. When your kids come to you with a problem, issue, or a negative feeling because of something they are going through, do not brush it off by saying it’s silly. Dismissing your kids’ feelings can make them feel less important. They might stop sharing their inner feelings with you and become closed off. Instead, teach them that feelings are essential. Teach them how to navigate through negative emotions to deal with them better.
4. Expecting Perfection
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Your kids feel a lot of pressure in their lives. With school assignments, exams, competition, sports, and other extracurricular activities, their lives are engulfed with moments of chasing excellence. Setting the bar high and encouraging your kids to go after achievements is a good thing. However, it can ruin their peace and even self-esteem if you expect perfection from them. They may grow up to feel like they’re never good enough because they cannot achieve what you want them to.
5. Using Fear As A Tool
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Every parent wants to raise obedient and well-mannered children. But there’s only so much you can do to make that happen. You can lead by example and correct them when they make mistakes. Sometimes, these methods do not work, and you might be tempted to resort to fear-based actions. When you begin to use intimidation, threat, and fear tactics to get them to comply, it could severely backfire. Your kids might grow up to live in fear and have a shaky moral compass.
6. Trying To Win With Kids
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Whether you are in a healthy marriage or divorced, avoid making your kids choose you as their “favorite”. Some parents shower their kids with gifts, money, and food to win over them. Others refuse to correct them and give them everything they want just so they are the kids’ favorite parents. These behaviors can prove to be detrimental to your child’s upbringing. They may grow up to become manipulative and gaslight others to get what they want.
7. Avoid Guilt Tripping Your Kids
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You’re probably lying if you say that you have never used guilt to get your kids to do what you want. You probably remind them of how much you’ve given up for them to give them the life they deserve, or you constantly let them know that you work super hard for them. Avoid guilt-tripping your kids as it may raise them to be adults who are easy targets for others to guilt them into doing what they want. Your kids might even follow your pattern and use guilt as a weapon against their loved ones.
Several parenting behaviors can lead to hurting your kids. It might be unintentional or not, but it’s crucial to understand how your behavior affects your kids. You shape them into the person they become as adults, and that’s a huge responsibility. So, we hope we helped you gain some clarity on what behaviors you should steer clear of when it comes to raising your kids. Are you guilty of these parenting behaviors? Let us know in the comments below!
