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Correct us if we’re wrong, but pregnancy means a ton of responsibilities. Something new comes up every day, making these nine months a pure adventure! An adventure that everybody wants to participate in, including your mother-in-law.
All of a sudden, you’ll find her full of words of wisdom and opinions concerning your health and lifestyle choices! Showering you with a ton of advice you know you don’t really need. And try as you may, you can’t ignore her. So you sit and grumble. Quietly.
Well, don’t. Holding a grudge is not going to make it better. However, speaking up and doing so tactfully can.
So, if you find yourself in a sticky spot with your MIL, instead of taking a detour, trying responding to her with dignity and grace. Here’s how:
Scenario #1 – Feeling Judged
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What They Say
“Wow, you’ve become so big!”
“I never did that when I was pregnant.”
What You Should Remember
Don’t take it for granted that comments like these were uttered to hurt you. Your MIL (or anyone else from your friends and family circle) just want to know how your pregnancy is going and don’t know what else to say. Hence, they take the obvious route and comment on your body or actions. It may offend you, but it may just be an honest attempt to talk to you.
How You Can Respond
It’s simple. Just remind them in a gentle way that each pregnancy is different. You can try telling them, “Isn’t it amazing how each mom’s pregnancy is a unique experience? My doc thinks my weight is exactly what it should be.” Or even, “Oh, that’s nice. How did you know this was the best thing for you to do?” Keep your cool and eventually change the topic.
Scenario #2 – Imposing Their Plans/Ideas On You
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What They Say
“I’m going to get you enrolled in yoga for moms-to-be. It’ll be great!”
“I’ll be there in the delivery room with you for sure.”
What You Should Remember
No doubt this is a difficult one to squeeze your way out of, but again, as uncomfortable as it might be, your MIL’s remarks are well-intentioned. She just doesn’t get it that she’s imposing her ideas on you. She just wants to help in whatever way she can. So try to be grateful for that and handle this sensitively.
How You Can Respond
Open with a note of thanks when trying out of this situation. “I’m touched you want to be there for me. But for the safety of my baby, my doctor thinks it’s best to have only the father in the delivery. I hope you understand.”
You can also make them feel good and included by saying something like this: “However, we do need your help that day. Would you please help me out with the first diaper change when we get back home? That’ll be so great!”
Scenario #3 – Getting Unsolicited Advice
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What They Say
“You have to start making baby food! I have loads of recipes to share!”
“Oh, your nursery should totally look like this picture I found!”
What You Should Remember
You have so many decisions to make at this point! From deciding on a baby care brand to picking out the best crib, you’ll have to make several important choices. See if you could let your MIL help you out on a few out of this list of decisions. She’ll feel included and won’t pester you for the big decisions.
How You Can Respond
Tell her you’ll consider her idea even if you don’t actually carry it out. “That looks really cute! But I was thinking of a simpler nursery. Can you help me find a nice crib for it?” Or just be tactful and say, “Oh, that’s a great idea! But I love flowers more! And I would love for you to help me decorate the nursery with floral designs!”
Scenario #4 – You Really Can’t Deal With It Anymore
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What They Say
Almost anything that sounds too intrusive and riles you up!
What You Should Remember
Most of the comments your MIL makes stem from the desire for you to have a healthy baby. So if you find yourself getting boatloads of advice, tips, hacks, and more, remember you’re getting them only because she wants to help. You don’t need to follow her advice, or even like it for that matter. But knowing that concern is the reason behind them can help you take it easy.
How You Can Respond
If it feels like too much, just say no. You have a lot on your plate right now, so it’s okay to cut yourself some slack. Play the pregnancy card to your advantage, and say something like: “I love you, and I love how much you care about my baby and me. But I’m so tired right now. Can we talk about something else, please?”
It might feel like you have to deal with the whole world when you’re pregnant. But when you know what to say and how to say it, you’ll feel a lot lighter and better.
