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Raising a baby is challenging enough, but as a single mother in quarantine, the isolation can be lonesome. I gave birth to my little one at the end of March. It was a breezy Sunday afternoon. After a routine labor, I came back to my apartment holding my baby in my arms. By then, the lockdown was imposed and people were restricted to their homes. Everyone was panic-stricken and tried to stay indoors as much as they could. Streets were isolated, shops were shut, and people were working from home. The uneasiness of what the future holds still lingered in the air.
I tried to stay strong. I didn’t want to think about the fact that I had given birth to a baby in the middle of a pandemic, with no one to help me out in these uncertain times. My sister had offered to help, but since the movement was restricted she wouldn’t be able to travel for another 6 weeks.
I still vividly recall my trip back from the hospital. I had hired a cab wearing a cotton maxi dress with my hospital bag on my shoulders and a newborn in my arms. As I paid my cab fare and stepped into my home, I realized just how tough the coming few months are going to be. A few weeks later, our place was declared a hotspot, and leaving the house became even more dangerous.
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The next few weeks of my maternity leave were filled with breastfeeding, diaper duties, cuddles, cries, and sleep deprivation. But I was determined to sail through and feel confident in the fact that I was enough. Occasionally I would freeze in the middle of the living room and think of all the worst scenarios: “Who would take care of my baby if I fell sick?” and “What would happen if something happened to both the baby’s father and me?” I started thinking about my will, life insurance, and other things. When I feel my anxiety creeping in, I immerse myself in mommy duties and housework.
With the pandemic upon us, I knew I had to take care of myself and my baby. I made sure I wasn’t compromising on my health in any way and getting enough sleep. I slept when my baby slept even when my house was a mess and had dishes in the sink. I took power naps throughout the day and thought about cleaning and laundry only during the weekends. I searched online for easy and healthy recipes with very little prep time and made sure my body was getting the right nutrition. I was proud of myself for sailing through these tough months alone.
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I did get intermittent help from my sister and mother, but I couldn’t insist that they stay. My mother is over 60 and the risk of catching the virus runs high in her case. But I felt disappointed. The social distancing rules and restricted movement made me feel frustrated with nobody to rely upon but myself.
Though I was riding out the pandemic alone with a newborn, my social network wasn’t as fragile as I thought. My friends would check in through texts and calls. One of my friends researched online delivery apps where I could get the groceries and all the baby essentials I would need. Another friend dropped in one evening with a warm casserole of biryani and offered to take care of the baby so I could get some sleep.
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Though the pandemic has isolated my baby and me from our friends and family, it has definitely brought me closer to my little one. We have our shared moments of laughter, snuggle, and lullabies. And during my occasional moments of loneliness, I count my blessings: my friends, family, and most importantly, the little boy in my arms.
