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Mothers are often told that their lives will change forever once they have a baby. Many of us are prepared for it and see the changes coming our way. While the changes might not be easy to embrace, we read many books, magazines, and mommy blogs to familiarize ourselves with what our lives could probably look like after becoming a mom. The funny thing about motherhood is that everyone tells you how magical the entire experience is, but no one talks about its difficulties. When I wanted to share my experience of the first year with my baby, I was afraid that someone would say that it was great that my baby slept through the night… at least most of the time. I was worried that someone would comment on how lucky I was that my baby took regular intervals of sound naps throughout the day, and I got some time to rest.
I hesitated to be completely honest about what I was feeling. How much I missed date nights with my husband, social outings with my friends, and girls night outs with my favorite clique were things I was afraid to reveal. I mean, I chose to be a mom, and I knew that I’d have to give up on my regular life. I knew that I had to embrace this new version of myself… the one where I was a mom first, and then everything else.
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What bothered me the most was not that my life had changed. Because I knew what was in store for me from all the books and blogs that I had read. I was preparing myself mentally for this change, so it was not too difficult to accept. But what I struggled with the most was that I felt like I could not talk about how much this change sucked. I felt like I would be judged and shamed if I voiced how much I missed my old life. Because the truth is, no one talks about the brutality of motherhood, especially during the first few years after having a baby.
Don’t get me wrong, I am always grateful for my little munchkin, and I’ve always loved babies. They are cute, soft, cuddly, and warm. Their smile is enough to turn your whole day around, and when they grab your finger, your heart melts. Their laughter is infectious, and every first you have with them is one moment that you’ll cherish for the rest of your life. The first time they crawl, walk, stand or talk; their first words, the first time they recognize you, and the first time they fall asleep in your arms; are moments that will be etched in your memory forever.
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While no parent will ever deny that they come into our lives like little bundles of joy and become the center of our lives, most parents don’t talk about how hard it is to adapt to this new life. Yes, it’s a life I chose when I decided to do the babyhood thing, but that does not mean that it truly doesn’t suck sometimes. You lose out on sleep, deal with poop and dirty diapers multiple times a day, have to change your clothes more than 5 times a day because your baby spits up, or spend your day wishing your baby cried a little less.
It’s all part and parcel of motherhood, but it is a tough job. The first year after having a baby is one of the most challenging times for a mother, and maybe, just maybe it would make it easier knowing that she is not alone in this journey. Perhaps if more mums spoke about how brutal it is being a mother, I would feel more comfortable to share my story. Because we know that babies are a gift and we adore them, but it’s time we normalize the unpleasant side of motherhood. After all, we’re all looking for comfort, support, love, and, most importantly, to know that we are all in this together.
