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Many of the problems that we have as adults often stem from our own childhood. And yet we rarely speak about the effect that a parent child relationship can have on an individual. Most people make excuses for their parents or their family’s ill treatment towards them because they feel obligated to stick by them. But that doesn’t mean that they are close to their parents. In fact, many of them choose to be distant from their parents and relatives. Here are a couple of things that you might be doing that are driving a wedge between you and your child, ensuring that they stay far away from you as they grow up.
1. Not Appreciating The Efforts They Make
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Have you ever reacted negatively when your child makes you a cute little card? Or told them that buying you flowers is just a waste of money? Well, you might want to rethink those behaviors. Some parents tend to criticize their kids every single time they are sad, angry or frustrated. But your child is not a punching bag. Doing this may help you express your negative emotions while hiding your vulnerability, but it is also teaching your child that you don’t value the efforts they make to brighten your day. If you are constantly finding something negative or offensive about something your little one says or does, they will start to keep their distance from you as they grow older and wont want to communicate with you anymore.
2. Not Taking Your Child’s Needs And Emotions Into Consideration
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Some parents think that they are great parents just because their child eats well, has good clothes to wear and has a bed to sleep in. But providing your child with these necessities is only one part of parenting. If you are unavailable, cold and detached, chances are that you are only physically involved with your child. If you neglect their emotional needs then they will do the same to you in the future. For example, if you insist on your child taking a class that does not particularly interest them, they may insist on taking you to a doctor you don’t like and will not heed your desire to see a new one.
3. Expecting Your Kids To Be Perfect
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Narcissistic parents can have a huge impact on the life of their children. They may be laser focused on how their kids are doing in class or perform in sports and other extracurricular activities but that isn’t necessarily a good thing. These parents use their kids’ success to boost their egos. But at the same time, they fail to see a unique and autonomous personality. But any mistake or inability to come first in a competition is seen as a direct insult to their parenting skills and therefore will not be tolerated. Poor or even average performance often leads to arguments and fights between parent and child. Leaving the child feeling insecure, inadequate and unlovable. When these kids grow up, they often put distance between themselves and their parents in order to not repeat being under that pressure again.
4. Blaming Your Child For Things You Didn’t Do
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Many parents blame their children for the things they didn’t get to achieve or experience because they were too busy taking care of them. Here’s a wake up call parents, your child didn’t ask to be born. Taking care of your child is your duty. However, this doesn’t mean that you have to give up on your goals. With a little bit of support and grit, you can achieve your personal and career goals while still caring for your child. Parents who make their child feel responsible for their own shortcomings do nothing but push them away. These children feel unwanted and like a burden. No wonder they don’t want to disturb their parents once they’ve grown up and keep to themselves.
5. Thinking About Other People Instead Of Your Child
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We’ve all been in a situation where our parents have asked us “What will people say?” when it is us who are going through a hard time. If you are the sort of parent who is constantly paranoid about what things look like instead of rooting for the happiness of your child, they are not going to want to be around you for long. Parents who care more about the approval of others than their child’s feelings don’t have good relationships with them and are not close.
If you don’t have a close relationship with your parents due to some of these reasons, know that that is completely okay. You shouldn’t have to be around people who do not appreciate you, even if they are your own flesh and blood. If you are a parent, make sure to never make these mistakes with your child. Happy parenting!
