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We all know that parents would not do anything to harm their children on purpose, but sometimes your paranoia and need for discipline can get the best of you. And sure enough, rules that are supposed to help your little one develop well have become counterintuitive, and hold them back from reaching their full potential. Making mistakes does not mean that you are a bad parent but there are certain things to keep away from, to not become a toxic parent.
Here are a couple of toxic traits parents should leave behind:
1. Wanting The Kids To Fear You And Love You
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First of all, this is terribly confusing for children. You can’t expect them to come to you for comfort and be open with you when they are scared of how you might react or respond. These types of parents get angry and frustrated when their children withdraw from them or treat their actions with suspicion. If your kids scurry up the stairs to their room when they hear you enter the house, you know there’s something wrong there. It’s perfectly normal to want your child to respect you and value your opinion, but fear will not get you there. Instead, be kind and loving towards them and encourage open conversation.
2. Making Them Deal With Adult Problems, But Still Not Giving Them Autonomy
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In toxic families, parents often share important responsibilities with their kids. Some parents treat their kids as stand-ins for their partner and that can be emotionally draining for them. It can even lead them to think that things out of their control are primarily their fault. For example, they blame themselves for their parents being insecure and incompetent. In later years, they may get dragged into spousal drama and misunderstandings. This will make them do nothing but resent you. They are expected to help console and mediate between two parties while still being treated like a child concerning decisions about their own life.
3. Putting Them Down Constantly While Expecting Them To Be The Best
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This is often found in families containing one or both narcissistic parents who expect their children to perform on the highest level consistently. Therefore any achievement is viewed as the only outcome imaginable or a prerequisite for any affection they might show their child. All the efforts and achievements the child has accumulated are taken for granted. This kind of environment makes kids anxious as they feel like they are a disappointment to their parents.
4. Lowering Your Child’s Self Esteem
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Lowering your child’s self-esteem might make them easy to control but it will have negative effects that will last a lifetime. Many parents cannot stand that their children might be better than them which makes them constantly undermine their kids. This will make your kids insecure and incompetent. Your job as a parent is to encourage your children and help them reach their full potential, and not to instill an inferiority complex that will keep them from trying new things and succeeding. Don’t let jealousy stand in your way and theirs!
5. Not Supporting Their Ambitions
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Parents can be pessimistic about their children reaching goals that they’ve set for themselves. As kids, parents encourage their kids to dream big only to shut them down as time passes by. Narcissistic parents don’t care about how their kids get successful as long as they are still dependent on the parent. They only want their child to succeed so that they can boast about the accomplishment to others and because it means that they will be better looked after in the future. Not showing any interest in your child’s aspirations and ambitions is extremely demotivating and frustrating for them. They are stuck between doing what makes them happy and keeping you happy.
6. Lack Of Regard For Personal Space
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Privacy? A personal life? While these sound like basic rights, you are not allowed to have either in a toxic household. These kinds of parents get extremely defensive and often accuse their children of being untrustworthy if they try to restrict their parents and draw clear boundaries around their personal territory. Even when fully grown, parents may snoop around their room or question their decisions. This usually happens when a parent thinks the kids are their property, so they are obsessed with micromanaging. They want to know what they spend their money on and why they didn’t eat their vitamins this morning. Being interrogated about every detail can get really tiring really fast.
Although being a parent is not an easy job, it is important to keep in mind that you are entrusted with raising an independent, competent child who will go on to be their own person. Try not to exhibit these toxic traits as it will only hinder their progress and stifle them. Are there some toxic traits we’ve missed out on the list? Let us know in the comments section!
