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It’s been 7 days since I came home from the hospital, and I’ve barely had a solid 8 hours of sleep. Before you tell me to sleep when my baby sleeps, let me tell you why that’s the most impractical, misused, and meaningless piece of advice! The most infuriating thing about this statement is that it comes from mothers. Mothers who know that it’s impossible to do so. Mothers who cried and struggled with catching a few hours of sleep when it was their time. It’s almost as if they forgot what it felt like to be a new mom.
Firstly, babies do have a fixed sleeping pattern. They sleep when they want to, and it’s not for a long time. They sleep for 2-3 hours straight (if you’re lucky), and between changing and feeding cycles, it is ridiculous to assume that moms can fall asleep on command. Besides, there is nothing like a good 6-8 hours of undisturbed sleep.
Catnaps do not count. We are not programmed to sleep that way, and those people who tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps have either never had to take care of a baby or have completely forgotten what it feels like to have an infant.
I had a normal delivery but was weak after it. I had to rest and replenish because delivering my baby took a toll on my mental health. It was hard because no one spoke about mental health then, but I was suffering from postpartum depression. As much as I was delighted to hold my infant in my arms, that joy went flying out the window as soon as feeding and changing cycles became a part of my life.
I was one of the lucky ones because I had my mother by my side through the whole process. She lived with me and helped me with my baby. My two younger sisters pitched in whenever they could, which was a huge help for me. However, it wasn’t possible to follow the advice ‘sleep when your baby sleeps’ despite all this help.
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Here’s why this advice is overused and ridiculous. Firstly, mothers have a ton of other responsibilities to take care of when the baby is asleep. I had to cook, clean, and bathe. My partner would cook on some days, but for women who aren’t privileged, that is an added responsibility. Even if some homes have house help, you still have to oversee the work. All this while keeping an eye on your sleeping baby because they could wake up at any time, and you’d have to be prepared.
What I learned from my experience as a new mom is that it takes a few months, probably a year, to get used to the grind. I was always exhausted, sleepless, and cranky. I would have bouts of energy at specific points, but that quickly faded away after I fed and cleaned my baby’s dirty diapers.
If I had to give new moms any advice at all, I would tell them the truth. The first few months are going to suck. You will probably question your ability to be a mother more than once. You will break down in the middle of the day because it becomes too overwhelming for you, and you will wonder if you’ll ever get the hang of it.
Another aspect of being a new mother that took me a while to accept is that my house will not be clean, tidy, or organized the way I’d like. But it’s okay. Juggling between being a mom, handling new responsibilities, managing the house, and taking care of myself is nearly impossible. I am bound to miss a few throws, and I finally stopped beating myself up about it.
I let go of my standard and took it one day at a time, and let me tell you that it started getting better. So trust me when I say it gets easier. With time, you learn to balance and prioritize. You learn to be there for your baby and yourself, and you learn to relax. Until then, enjoy the roller coaster ride that your life becomes when you become a new mom.
