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As your child grows they start to become their own person, which means that they form their own ideas and opinions. And before you know it, they are their own little person who no longer sees eye to eye with you. This isn’t always a bad thing as it makes way for independent thought, and improves reasoning skills. But it can make it harder for parents to bond with their kids. It’s even harder to stop arguing with them every time they put their foot down about something. Parents are used to their kids relying on them for everything, so it’s understandable why this transition can hurt them. But it doesn’t have to hurt your relationship. After all, the purpose of parents is to raise self-aware, independent individuals. And them expressing themselves freely only means you did a good job. If you’re wondering how to stop fighting with your not so little one, and strengthen your relationship then this is the article for you. Read on to know more!
1. Schedule A Time And Place To Talk About The Issue
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If your child does something in public to tick you off, or has been giving you a hard time at home, you don’t need to address it then and there. One of the reasons fights break out is because parents get heated and yell at their kids without even considering if their child is doing something unintentionally. So, choose a specific time or place to talk about your issues. Maybe you can wait until you take a walk with your kids in the evening or ask them to come into the family room after dinner. Pick out a place where they won’t be distracted and a time where you won’t spontaneously explode because of all your pent up issues. Giving yourself some time after an incident that left you frustrated will also make sure that you don’t say something you don’t mean. You can vent to your partner, cool down, think about the situation more rationally and proceed to talk to your kids.
2. Make Sure Your Basic Needs Are Met Before Having An Important Conversation
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If you know you are going to have a difficult conversation with your kids or your kids come to you with important news, make sure you have slept well, eaten, had your cup of morning coffee and are in the right mindset to have the conversation. Discussing something draining when you are already tired, hungry or overwhelmed is never a good idea. You’re bound to be more irritable, distracted and unpleasant. So, take a step back and ask your kids for 10 minutes to get your act together. Do a bit of meditation to calm your racing brain down and make sure you’re well hydrated. Once you know you’re not going to be snappy because you’re hangry, you can pick up where you left off.
3. Stay On Topic And Don’t Bring Up The Past
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If you’d like your kids to learn from their mistakes and do better, bringing up the past is not the best way to encourage them to do so. In fact, it’s counterintuitive. No one is going to put in the effort to change if you constantly hold their past mistakes against them. So, when you address a problem with them or get into an argument, don’t bring up instances where they have made mistakes in the past. Especially if they have made the effort to change their actions and have apologized. Besides, this will only escalate the fight and soon enough, neither of you will be able to focus on the real issue at hand. So, let the past be in the past and try to be sensible when resolving conflict.
4. Be Mindful Of Your Emotions And Don’t Project Your Insecurities
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Having disagreements with your child can be hard. After all, you think of them as a ‘mini me’ from the time they’re born. And all of a sudden, you couldn’t be more different from each other. But it’s always important to keep your emotions in check when you discuss different viewpoints with them. Yelling and screaming at them will do more harm than good. It’s also important to not project your own insecurities onto your kids. Of course you’re scared for them and don’t want them to have the tough experiences you did. But that doesn’t mean you stop them from pursuing their passions and dreams. Keep in mind that your kids rely on you to be their greatest support system, so try to encourage them.
Always remember, having opposing views isn’t the end of the world. It’s okay to disagree with your child on things, as long as you both respect each other’s beliefs and have calm discussions around them. Happy parenting!
