Children of separated parents must be braced up for a lot of challenges in life. Especially when they were very small to realize that their parents had separated. When they discover their true parentage as they grow up, it might come as a blow to them. Might not be a great idea to keep them in dark. Here’s how a separated mother might disclose the truth of their lives in a letter to her children:
I wonder if it might come as a shock. But I have to tell my children. Yes, I am going to be blatantly honest with my boy who is now growing up to be a man himself. And to my girl who is going to be part of yet another man’s life in the future. You, my son, are the hero of the family, and future generations must look up to you. And because, you, my girl, will carry the family heritage forward. Because you have the right to know, and you must know that daddy is not your father.
It was never a secret, but you were not old enough to know how complicated things were for us. At your age, it was best to see the father figure of the man who agreed to adopt you, take care of you like your real father would. Because this was going to be the man, you would see every day of your life until you fly out of the nest.
We tried; we pushed boundaries to stick together, so we could be good parents to you. But he decided to move in with another woman who wanted him to sever ties with us.
To be a biological father is one thing, to be a foster-father is another. You are indebted to your biological father to bring you into this world. You bear his last name. You carry his bloodline. Your heart will call out to him. You will recognize him from the pictures. You will know how much you resemble him. You will hear about him. The older you grow, the more curious you will be about him.
Your foster-father has been nice to you and vice-versa. You are indebted to him for the goodness he has shown to you.
But I don’t want my children to be mocked at school for your naiveté over a step-sibling. I don’t want my children to be ridiculed for juggling identities.
I don’t want you to wait until you are at the court one day to realize your true parentage. And then hate me for having you live with a lie. I don’t want my children to know the truth from wagging tongues and then come asking me questions.
In terms of who wins hands down between your two fathers, I must say fostering a child is the most difficult thing. So the man you call daddy is to be given the due respect. But equally respectable is the man who is responsible for making me the mother of two beautiful children – in that he steered clear of your lives once he knew he was not the father you might want to have in your lives.
He allowed me to find a more suitable man that would complete our family.
He allowed me to follow my heart in raising my family after him.
It’s good that he didn’t stick to the walls of our house for long so you could escape overhearing the heated arguments, exchange of profanity and witness the ruinous relationship that would have marred your psychological well-being for times to come. It’s good that he moved out to make me stand on my own feet, strong and independent enough to raise you two.
It’s good that he stepped out of my life allowing me to find a more suitable man to support us.
I don’t know if this goes down your gut. If it doesn’t, then you will have to take just as you take a remedy of bitter concoction.
Because I am your mother and, I know what’s best for you. And because you must know that the man you call your dad is not really your father.
