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The bond between the grandparents and their grandchildren is a special one. They are the ones that spoil you, coddle you and take your side when your parents are being unreasonable. And although this was great when you were a child, it’s a completely different story when you become a parent in this particular scenario. Can you imagine spending countless hours training your kids to sleep alone just for your parents to co sleep with them? Or reducing their sugar intake just for their grandma to give them an endless supply of cookies every time you visit them?
Sometimes, the things grandparents do can really get on a parent’s nerves and undo all the hard work they’ve done to parent their child a certain way. And that’s not okay, even if it’s unintentional. But that’s no reason to stop taking them over to their grandparents house. After all, they also contribute in healthy ways to the upbringing of your child. Not to mention that regularly spending time with the grandkids increases their wellbeing as well (1). But there are things that you need to be careful not to do if you’re the grandparent. Here’s a list of things to avoid doing when you become a grandparent.
1. Criticizing Parenting Practices
This is a big no-no. We’re sure there are bound to be some generational differences and that you may not understand why your child chooses to parent their kids a different way than you did, but undermining their parental prowess, especially in front of the grandkids is frowned upon. This is because parental authority is an integral tool to raising kids the right way (2). So, making negative statements about what they are doing or how they are going about something certainly isn’t going to help the parents in the long run. The kids will start to undermine their ability to make sound decisions which can upset the whole family dynamic that the parents have been trying to carefully curate.
You need to understand that every generation is different. And that the parents know the needs of their kids better than you do, especially if you don’t interact with the kids on a daily basis. So step back and let them take the reins. If you think the parents may benefit from a little insight or advice, talk to them when the kids aren’t around after asking them if they’d like some help.
2. Buying Unnecessary Toys
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Kids love toys, and the more the merrier. But that doesn’t mean that they should get everything they want when they ask for it. Most of the time children only find something interesting for a short while and then promptly forget about it once they have it, making it a total waste of money. Parents know what to get their kids and what’s just a passing fad. And sometimes they deny their kids so that they understand the value of money and appreciate the things they do have. If you ignore the lesson they are trying to teach and buy your grandkids everything they want, you’re doing them a great disservice. So the next time you go out to pick out a gift when it’s not a special occasion, ask the parents first.
3. Publishing Photos Without Permission
With the amount of online predators nowadays, many parents are opting to not post any pictures of their kids or at least cover their faces when they do. And although this may be frustrating to some tech savvy grandparents who want to show off their wonderful family, you do need to respect the wishes of the parents. Especially because anyone will be able to see those pictures and may use them for dangerous purposes. So, if the parents are hesitant to post their kids on social media, ask before you share a picture of their child online or with your friend circle.
4. Dismissing Rules
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Maybe it’s giving your grandkids chocolate before they go to bed or maybe it’s letting them stay up past their bedtime, whatever it is, dismissing the rules that their parents have set for their own wellbeing will not be well received. Parents place those rules for a reason. Maybe their child has a sweet tooth that they can’t regulate yet or maybe they become hyper after a little bit of sugar. Maybe the kids need exactly 8 to 9 hours of sleep in order to function well the next day. When you cut corners and dismiss these rules you create new problems for the parents to tackle. Kids become insubordinate and don’t follow these rules anymore because another older figure deemed them unnecessary. So, make sure to stick by the same rules and enforce them even when the grandkids come to visit you.
Having grandparents is a blessing. They take care of the grandkids, pamper them and teach them valuable life lessons. Just make sure that you don’t step on the parent’s toes while you do all this and more.
