11 Things That Pregnant Women Say And What They Actually Mean

Pregnancy is one hell of a ride! Those 9 months may sometimes seem relatively long when you are restricted to so many things. The last trimester especially can be a pain in the a** when your bump precedes everything else in your life and sleep deprivation kicks in. Pregnant women are just trying to navigate through this time the best way that they can. Let’s take a look at the 11 things you hear them say and what they really mean.

In This Article

1. “I’ve Got A Birth Plan”

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Ummm, I plan to ask my doctor for tons of drugs so that when I lay there numb and unconscious,  the doctor can do whatever he wants to get the baby out. And no, Karen, the CD that you got me about childbirth didn’t help one bit.

2. “I’m Eating For Two”

Don’t you dare judge me for having this chocolate cake! Because guess what? I’ve had to give up coffee, alcohol, soft cheese, sushi, and even roadside chaat for 6 months now. So excuse me while I drown my sorrows in my 7th piece of chocolate cake.

3. “Ahem Ahem…”

…Ahem ahem ahem. Thanks to pregnancy, now I have become a fart machine and fake coughing has become my favorite hobby when I’m in public.

4. “I’m So Excited For My Due Date”

Partly because I can’t wait to pop this baby out so that I can finally tie my own shoes, see my feet, and do my own personal grooming down there without depending on anyone else. Oh, and not dread going to the loo anymore.

5. “I Haven’t Been Sleeping Well”

“I Haven’t Been Sleeping Well”
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It’s been a month since I’ve got continuous 3 hours of sleep. And if my husband so much as whispers about how my constant turning and rolling has been disrupting his sleep, I wouldn’t mind sending him off to the doctor’s for a vasectomy because I’m never doing this again. Or better yet, I will let Youtube guide me on how to do one at home. Don’t forget I’ve got plenty of time on my hands.

6. “Can You Please Guide Me To Your Bathroom?”

My bladder won’t wait for 2 minutes while I try to find my way to the bathroom. And trust me, nobody wants to see a 35-year-old woman peeing in her pants. So could you please hurry because I’ve already spent a minute and a half contemplating if I should come and ask you or make a fool of myself.

7. “Yes, I’m Still With Child”

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And thank you for your concern, random lady in my neighborhood. I know it’s been a while. Guess what? That’s how long pregnancy usually lasts. And no, I’m not about to have intercourse or eat spicy food to speed things along. Because my due date is not for another month!

8. “No, We Haven’t Decided On A Name Yet”

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I don’t have the energy to get upset or ruin my mood over your disapproving look when you hear my baby’s name. Or when you tell me that you have heard that same name on a stripper or a serial killer.

9. “Yes, You Can Touch My Belly”

What’s with this incessant obsession to touch a pregnant woman’s belly? Now that I’m pregnant, has it become a public property that everyone can run their hands all over? But I’m glad at least you asked, unlike that random woman at the checkout.

10. “I’m So Excited To Be A Mom”

Unless excited means terrified. I’m still waiting for my motherly instinct to kick in. Yesterday I saw a baby in the park and I didn’t find it cute. What if I feel the same way about my baby? Oh, God, I’m going to be a terrible mom. I have never been a baby person. What if my own baby hates me?

11. “No, It’s Not Twins”

Clearly, you have had very little exposure to what a pregnant woman looks like. Or you are deliberately trying to make me feel bad about how big I’ve become. Either way, I’m going to pretend that I didn’t hear you. Unless you make a stupid comment about how my postpartum paunch if I ever see you again.

All jokes aside, pregnancy is a wonderful time and one that women are going to cherish forever. Also, we don’t mean to generalize all pregnant women with our list as each pregnancy is unique and how one feels about it may also vary.

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