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Everyone goes through a pregnancy journey that is specific to them. It is easier for some people to conceive more than others, and that is no one’s fault. Having trouble getting pregnant when you desperately want a child might be one of the most painful experiences someone can go through. And it takes a lot of courage to stay positive and keep trying. The last thing anyone wants to do is to come off as pretentious or rude, but there are some comments that many people make that they think are harmless but are extremely hurtful. It’s hard to gauge when you’re being insensitive when all you want to do is give the couple or woman in question some friendly advice and well wishes. But sometimes saying nothing is better than saying something that can be taken the wrong way. Here are some key things that you never tell someone who’s having trouble getting pregnant.
1. Just Do IVF
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We are fortunate enough to live in a time where medicine is advanced enough for something like IVF to even be an option. But this doesn’t mean that the procedure can solve everyone’s infertility problems. That is a gross generalization. After all, the person may not be able to afford it, their infertility issues may not be able to be solved through IVF and even if it were, there is no guarantee that it would work. IVF comes with its own set of challenges, like hormonal imbalance, tiredness and an endless list of side effects. It can be draining on the body and mind. So, it’s certainly not the easy way out. IVF may be the best medical option available so far but it is also complicated and expensive. Which means that there is a small chance that anyone would want to repeat the process if the first round of IVF fails. So, it’s best not to tell someone with infertility issues to go through IVF as if it does not have consequences and repercussions.
2. Maybe You’re Just Not Meant To Be A Parent
This is an extremely heartless statement to make, but some people say it anyway. After all, who are we to judge who should be a parent and who shouldn’t based on their challenges to conceive a child? Telling someone that it is god’s will that they shouldn’t have a child or that they are not meant to have a child when they are desperate for one is beyond cruel and insensitive.
3. You Can Take One Of Mine
You might just be saying this as a joke to lighten the mood or make them feel better. But this joke falls flat when talking to couples struggling to get pregnant. After all, a child of their own is all they want and making slight of this dream may not be something that they will take kindly to. When you want something so much, it can become a raw spot. So it’s best to stop with the jokes if you can’t handle a serious conversation about this topic.
4. When You Stop Thinking About It, It Will Happen
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Not all of us are infertility experts and if we were we’d know that that’s not how the human body works. Sure you might know of a friend of a friend who got pregnant after they stopped trying. But there are so many factors involved in conceiving a child. And who is to say that they ever stopped trying in the first place? Making statements like this will not put the couple at ease. Instead it makes it sound like they are overreacting or that they are trying too hard. People don’t conceive once they give up on the dream of having a family of their own. They can, but the reason behind their infertility isn’t their desire to have a baby. Asking them to slow down and not take their problem seriously can have adverse effects. They might end up waiting too long to seek out medical aid and treatment, making their situation first. So next time, think twice before you offer someone bad advice.
5. Why Don’t You Just Adopt?
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Because the process is complex, challenging and it isn’t meant for everybody, irrespective of whether they have fertility issues or not. People tend to simplify the logistical, emotional and financial components of adoption, but it is not an easy process. And it certainly isn’t a backup plan for someone who is having trouble conceiving. Adopting a child is its own special journey and must be treated with respect.
Dealing with infertility and struggling to get pregnant can feel like the greatest challenge someone has to go through. You must keep in mind that these people desperately want to be parents and hope for it every single day. So, don’t minimize the situation or be brash with them. Respect their space and speak words of support and encouragement to them.
