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Being a parent can be both exciting but stressful. Your child is ever evolving, and keeping up with them while trying to protect them is exhausting. All parents, no matter their parenting style, have set rules for their kids and all of them have advantages and drawbacks. Although, you may just be looking out for your kid, you might end up stifling their growth. Certain limits and boundaries can be calming for the kids as it helps them feel safe. Structure is great for them, but there are some things that you should never forbid your kids from doing as it results in the opposite effect. Constantly getting in their way can hinder their development and cause low esteem and increase feelings of insecurity.
Here are 7 things you should never forbid your child from doing:
1. Crying
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Kids cry for numerous reasons. Maybe they are hungry, tired or really sleepy. Maybe they dropped their favorite toy on the side of the road or found a butterfly that fluttered away. These reasons may seem meaningless and childish to you, but keep in mind that you are dealing with a child. They feel all the emotions more vividly than adults and they have not developed their ability to control them yet. Crying helps them vent these emotions in a healthy way. So, don’t stop them from doing it. Instead seek to understand why they are crying and how to help them.
2. Asking Questions
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Have you ever been hounded by a very inquisitive child? “Why is the sky blue?” “Why do birds sing?” “ Why can we eat salads and not grass?”. Children are naturally curious about everything they experience and observe. And although the endless stream of whys can get tiring, showing an interest in their surroundings is healthy. If you find it hard to answer off the fly questions throughout the day, ask your child to keep them in mind until the end of the day. Then during a set period of quality time, answer them. This gives you a chance to think about how you want to answer complex questions.
3. Being Greedy
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This might come as a surprise but your child is not being selfish if they don’t want to share specific things. Your child has the right to decide who gets to handle their things and sometimes that doesn’t include a whole lot of people. It’s okay if they don’t like everyone handling their coveted hot wheels collection. Imagine if people thought you were greedy for not sharing your car. Let your kid take ownership of their things.
4. Saying No
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Contrary to popular belief your child is not your yes-man or mini me. This means that they are their own person with their own opinions, likes and dislikes. So the next time they say “no” to you, remember they have a right to do so. Of course you can discipline them if they are misbehaving, but if they’d rather have pancakes instead of porridge on weekends or don’t want to wear that t-shirt you got them, they have the right to say no. Forbidding them from saying no invalidates their boundaries and emotions which will cause negative long-term effects.
5. Having Secrets
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The older you kids get, the more they are going to need their own space and privacy. Your child will go on to have their own life, with friends and experiences that have nothing to do with you. This is completely normal. Create a bond where your child is comfortable with letting you in on what’s going on in their lives without snooping around and jeopardizing their trust and your relationship with them. Let them keep their secrets and trust that they will come to you with any questions or problems they face.
6. Having Negative Emotions
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Just because you ignore negative emotions, doesn’t mean they go away! Your child is a human being, and like the rest of us they will have moments of sadness, jealousy, envy, rage and frustration. This is normal! Your child should be allowed to feel a full spectrum of emotions, not just happiness. Acknowledging their emotions will help them understand how to cope with these negative feelings in healthy ways. Keep in mind that your child also lacks the willpower to express them in socially acceptable ways sometimes. They are young and will learn in time. For now, help them work it out. There is no such thing as “bad” emotions.
7. Making Mistakes
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You cannot, literally cannot forbid your kids from making mistakes. Your child is doing everything for the first time and they are bound to make mistakes as they go along. Encourage them as they try their hand at new tasks. Making them feel lesser than for making mistakes while learning will do nothing but lower their self-esteem and make them insecure. And we’re sure you don’t want that!
Being a parent has its ups and downs. Try not to be so hard on yourself and your kids. You’re allowed to make mistakes too. It’s a learning curve for the both of you and with time, you’ll figure it out. Did we miss out on something on our list? Let us know in the comments section!
