Here’s a heartwarming story of Freddy McConnel, a trans man, who not only miraculously gave birth to a gorgeous boy named Jack but also made an insightful and intimate film about that experience. His film dives deep into Freddy’s experience of giving birth. The movie captures the entire experience right from the decision of having a baby, the physical and mental changes faced during his pregnancy, and ultimately the delivery that brought little Jack into this world.
Freddy’s decision to make this movie was, firstly—very unlike of him and secondly—not an exhibitionist endeavor. To understand this film, you must first understand Freddy and his inherent struggle as a trans man. Freddy is a very reserved and private person. Despite his inert shyness, Freddy carefully chooses to display his pregnancy on screen. He does so only to get rid of the fog of triviality and theatrics attached to trans people as a consequence of poorly executed and named documentaries made in the past. To battle the psychological barriers created by money-hungry TRP hunters, Freddy assembled his team and gifted the world with his beautiful film titled Seahorse. An odd name until you realize that it is so-called because as a seahorse the male carries the young instead of the female. An apt and smile-worthy name.
Image: Guardian
This heartwarming film may touch your soul before you begin to comprehend the intricacies of it. It documents affection, family, breakups, fallouts, hormones, biological motherhood, identified fatherhood, and complexities of layered identities. Oddly or rather unamusingly, you find Freddy struggling with himself internally before you notice people around him struggling to comprehend his decision to have a child. And perhaps, this is what makes this film so human. You see Freddy asking himself the same question again and again. His desire to carry a child does not come with a simple reason or any reason at all.
Image: Guardian
His internal struggle is heightened by exterior and medical factors. The process of carrying a baby as a trans man is not a simple task. As we find out, Freddy, who is currently 32, started his journey as a trans man by taking testosterone at the age of 25. A year later, he underwent “top surgery” to remove his breast tissue. Although he considered a hysterectomy, he did not go ahead with it, partly because he had an underlying desire of having a child—his child—one day. His decision to have a baby affects the medical —changes he underwent almost a decade ago. The film highlights that to conceive, Freddy must stop taking the testosterone. Due to lack of testosterone, his body goes into reverse—he begins to have his periods again, his facial hair begins to wisp, his hips broadens and his tummy softens. A subtle difference is noticed in his voice—he no longer speaks from his chest and instead uses his throat. And this is just the beginning!
Image: Guardian
Before deciding to have a baby, Freddy wanted to be sure of himself and love himself to be able to love his baby. The only way he knew he could love himself was by transitioning, and so he did. While considering pregnancy as a trans man, Freddy took a long time to separate his identity, as a man, from his biology, as a woman. He eventually accepted that he was simply using his hardware, his ovaries, to do a thing that he so dearly desired. It was the only solution.
Freddy is not the first trans man to give birth, but he is the first to make an intimate and thought-provoking movie about it. A movie that wishes to raise awareness and more importantly empathy. Not empathy towards trans people, instead empathy to convince that trans people are actually quite normal, just like the rest. They might have a longer struggle in overcoming the complexities of their identity—to no fault of their own—but these struggles would be a lot more easier and smoother if their lives weren’t made trivial. And perhaps, that is what Freddy is trying to do by sharing his experience.
