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Parenting styles and strategies are ever evolving, some of them get advanced and upgraded while others garner unfavorable results over time. We all want to learn from the positive scenarios and pass down good experiences we had in our childhood, all without repeating our parents’ mistakes. Many people believe that their lives were partially shaped by their childhoods, but only a handful recount these experiences as beneficial to their overall wellbeing in adulthood. It’s important to note that there are several ways in which our past can affect our present, especially in terms of parenting. Don’t let these common mistakes from your upbringing stop you from adapting to healthier ways of parenting your kids today.
1. Imitating Your Parents
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Some parents may catch themselves acting exactly like their parents did. And this usually happens not in the best circumstances. This may be scary for you at first, but it’s okay. It’s normal to fall into old patterns. As long as you take a few steps back and assess how you got here, you can stop yourself from repeating the pattern again. One way to do this is to eliminate certain harmful phrases or hurtful language that may pop into your mind in stressful situations. Take a deep breath instead of giving into your knee jerk reaction.
2. Trying To Look Perfect
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Keeping up appearances will not make your children happier or better. In fact, it confuses them further. Children can sense when something isn’t alright. So acting like everything is okay when you are falling apart on the inside will teach them nothing but how to ignore and suppress their emotions, which is not a great thing to learn.
Neglecting your emotions like your parents did will not lead to a better family. So, if you are tired and need five minutes to yourself, express your needs to your kids and take a time out. If you are struggling to juggle everything that’s on your plate, communicate with your partner and ask them to help you with certain tasks. Come up with a schedule that works for all of you, so as to not overwhelm you or your kids. Remember, no one has it all together always and that’s perfectly okay!
3. Projecting Onto Your Kids
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As parents, we definitely don’t want our kids to make the same mistakes as us or our parents. Maybe you want them to start school earlier to get the upper hand in class, or you want them to start learning how to play 3 different sports by the time they finish elementary school. Whatever the case may be, there’s no denying that your children are born into a world with more opportunities and access than you did.
It’s tempting to want to nudge them in directions you wish you could go, but trying to live out your dream through them will only make them feel undervalued and undermined. As a parent, your job is to look out for your kids and foster a healthy environment for their interests. Reliving your favorite childhood moments and basing your own success and failures on theirs will only stop them from recognizing and fulfilling their potential. So, live and let live!
4. Overindulging Your Kids
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We’ve all been tempted to go a little crazy and buy our kids all the toys we didn’t have. It’s normal to want to provide for your children. Be it racks of fancy clothes, a room full of toys, the coolest gadgets, or lavish parties and vacations. If you didn’t come from the best circumstances in terms of finance, you’ll probably have the urge to overcompensate by buying the kids everything they want. But it’s important to keep in mind that life is hardly a fun-filled adventure. And overindulging your kids will only make facing the reality that much harder. Moreover, If you buy your children things because you are guilty of not spending enough time with them or don’t know how to handle their emotional needs, they will believe that material belongings are the way to happiness.
5. Putting Yourself Last
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Selfcare may be last on our list but it should be your first priority. One common mistake most parents make is not allocating any alone time for themselves. Your own parents might have stopped taking their own needs into consideration the second you were born, but you don’t need to follow in these footsteps. Yes, kids require a lot of attention. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve a couple of moments to yourself. As your children grow, they will learn from observation. You can’t expect them to put themselves first when you clearly don’t. Take some time off for your own wellbeing. It will set a good example for your kids to follow. Stressing on the importance of self care will ensure that your children take their own well being seriously.
As the days go by it’s important to adapt your parenting style to something that benefits both you and your kids. It’s okay to let go of the past and find healthier ways of coping with parental stress. What parenting changes have you made? Let us know in the comments below!
