No child deserves to be abused, be it emotionally or physically. Unfortunately, sometimes parents and caregivers fail to look after their children in healthy ways and end up crippling them instead. Parents are people too, with weaknesses and shortcomings but doing things that are detrimental to their child’s wellbeing is never excusable. Moreover, it can turn your life into a prison if your parents are constantly putting you down or abusing you. It can go on to affect your adult life and you might have serious repercussions like lack of self-confidence, not believing in your talents and constantly criticizing yourself. Thankfully, there are ways in which you can heal from the past and rebuild yourself. Seeking professional help is a great option. But we are here to offer you a few ways in which you can aid the healing. Read on to know them all.
1. Stop Trying To Please Them
It is only natural to want the approval of your parents. But as you grow up, it is best to stop searching for their approval if what they want for you hurts your self interests or does not align with what you want to do with your life. As much as narcissistic and controlling parents will want you to feel like you owe them everything you have a right to choose with the life that you have. And there are no two ways about that! So remember it is okay and healthy to put yourself first instead of constantly trying to please them.
Sometimes, parents pride themselves on being hard to please or always pushing their children to be better. They might think this is admirable but it is harmful. If your parents make it a point to make you feel like you are not good enough for them, let them. As long as you are good enough for you!
2. Rebuilding Your Own Opinions
If you had toxic parents, then you know what it feels like to not have a voice. They don’t want to know what you have to say, your opinions are not valid and your suggestions fall on deaf ears. This can be extremely discouraging and detrimental to children. They grow up into adults who always count themselves out. They don’t add to the conversation because they don’t think they have anything worthwhile to contribute. Or they may not protest when they want to do something that goes against the grain of what is being done. This is why it is so important to rebuild your own opinions.
Practice your opinions with someone you trust. For example, if you are going out with your friends, suggest where you should go or suggest a movie to watch with your family. Doing small things that give importance to your decisions and opinions and being around people who validate them can do wonders for you.
3. Stop Criticizing Yourself
Easier said than done, but you’ve got to start somewhere. If you were abused, ignored, or criticized as a child; in your mind, you’re probably used to harsh self-talk. We tend to get stuck on the negative and cruel messages that people send our way and ignore the positives in ourselves. But there is a way to change the way you think about yourself. One way to combat these thoughts is to become aware of all of the critical thoughts inside your head and write them down. Next to this, write a positive statement to replace it. For example, whenever you write a statement like “I’ll never be as good as everyone else” write down “No one can take my place” or “I have something unique to offer”.
4. Understand That It Is Okay To Let Go
Don’t let your loyalty get in the way of doing what is good for you! Letting go may seem like the most difficult decision you could ever make, but it might also be the best decision for you. We want to cling onto our parents no matter what, but if they are toxic people who are pulling you down, cutting them loose is a good call. Remember that the state of your relationship with them is not your fault. You’ve gone through so much, so don’t underestimate yourself. You have the strength to stand up for yourself and make the decision to start anew and heal in the process. So if you want to pack your bags and never look back, that’s totally okay!
No one should be made to feel like they are lesser than, especially by their parents. Your parents are supposed to love and support you, not hurt you under the guise of tough love. If you’ve been a victim of toxic parents, know that you can heal and live a content and happy life without them in the picture. We hope these tips help you in your healing journey. Here’s to a better tomorrow!