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There comes a time in every parent’s life when they reach the limit of their influence on their child. One day you’ll wake up and your 10 year old will greet you with a teenage attitude that will leave you reminiscing for a time when they listened to you. Some kids are just more stubborn than others and that’s not always a bad thing. Yes, dealing with a headstrong child comes with its set of challenges but at the end of the day it means that they are not easily influenced and have a strong sense of self. They know their own mind and want to take on the world independently and fearlessly. And although they must be commended for that, they are still kids and need you (even if they don’t want to admit it). Especially when it comes to being taught important life lessons and basic skills. But how do you teach a kid that just won’t listen? Well, here are a few tips to get your child to pay attention to you without having to yell at them or bribe them with treats. Read on to know them all!
1. Don’t Word Your Expectations As Commands
When dealing with a strong-willed and obstinate child, it’s best not to simply dictate what they should do, as this often triggers their desire to do the opposite. It’s not necessarily that they disagree with your request but more about how you present it. When we issue commands, we don’t allow them room to think; instead, we present them with a binary choice – obey or disobey. Since your child craves power and autonomy, they are more inclined to choose disobedience as a way to assert themselves.
Instead of issuing commands, try using phrases that commence with “I really need you…” For instance, say, “I really need you to put your shoes on so that we can leave for school.” This approach makes it seem like you’re seeking their assistance in completing a task, even if it’s for their benefit.
Another effective technique is to frame your requests as suggestions. Instead of instructing them to mop the floor, you can say, “There seems to be a spill on the floor, do you think you could quickly mop it up?” This approach fosters a sense of trust and responsibility, making them feel like someone you rely on to handle tasks, rather than simply issuing orders.
2. Don’t Engage In A Power Struggle
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Sometimes your child is being difficult just because they want the upper hand. The second you choose not to engage with them or acknowledge their behavior you take that power from them which is exactly what you should be doing. The resistance often stems from a need to gain power over the parent. To mitigate the impact of such a situation, it’s best to disengage immediately and aim for a win-win outcome. If your children are being uncooperative without a clear reason, you can inform them that you’ll be attending to another task in a different room and invite them to join you when they are ready to engage in a reasonable manner.
3. Stop Making Meaningless Threats
Parents often threaten their children, but it comes with consequences. And we get it, no one likes punishing their kids, even if they have been bad. But this is how parents literally train their kids to not listen to them. If you never follow through with your threats and your kids don’t face the consequences of disobeying you, why would they ever obey you? You need to teach your kids that actions have consequences and that these consequences are very real. So don’t make threats you won’t keep. Obviously you are not going to starve your kids or kick them out of the house for misbehaving. So don’t say that. Instead think of some easily enforceable consequences that will have a significant effect on your kids. For example, taking away their Xbox or phone. Telling them that they can’t go out for 2 weekends in a row and making them babysit their younger siblings while you go out for date night instead.
4. Don’t Repeat Yourself
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Your kids have heard your message the first time and the fifth time. Reiteration, by itself, isn’t inherently negative; it can be quite useful when providing instructions or requests that your child needs more time to grasp. However, if your child behaves as though they can’t hear you or refuses to adhere to a rule or request even after multiple repetitions, it’s time to cease repeating. It’s better to enforce the consequences and allow them to confront the results of their actions.
Teaching a stubborn child who wants things their way all the time can be tough, but it’s not undoable. With these little tricks up your sleeve, they’ll be listening to you in no time. Happy parenting!
