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You’ve probably heard of burn out but have you heard of the burnt toast syndrome? Taking care of a baby and raising a child has never been an easy ordeal. But today’s mothers also have to contend with the difficulty of making several choices with one too many options available. This can be extremely overwhelming when those choices have to be made several times a day. Being a parent requires compromise but becoming a mother sometimes entails sacrificing parts of yourself to ensure the best for your child.
This is done mostly because women think this is the only way they can love and care for their baby. And more often than not, such actions and behaviors may influence and impact other members of the family. Mothers may start neglecting their professional goals, their careers eventually taking the backseat. They may even start to neglect their own personal time and give up on maintaining their social life altogether. And although sequestering yourself for the first few weeks after your baby arrives can be beneficial, this isn’t sustainable. In this article, we shall tell you all about this phenomenon called burnt toast, and how to recover from it.
Why Is It Called Burnt Toast?
At first glance this name may seem random and rather silly but there’s a reason as to why women’s self-sacrificing tendencies can be denoted by the term burnt toast. An example may be noted at the family dining table during meals. Oftentimes, mothers offer the yummiest and most attractive parts of a dish or meal to other family members and instead opt to keep the less appetizing pieces, such as a burnt toast, for themselves. This behavior eventually seeps into other day-to-day actions and leads to the neglect of her personal needs that get overshadowed by the pursuit of creating a comfortable home for her kids, partner, and other family members who are close to her. Basically, it’s the habit of putting yourself last on your set list of priorities. With such actions, women devalue themselves, accepting they only “deserve crumbs”, and that just won’t do!
Is This Just A Harmless Maternal Instinct Or Something More?
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Sure, we all know that mothers have to make sacrifices in order to raise their kids right. But to what extent? Does this mean that your child becomes your whole world? Kids soon begin realizing that their mothers would leave no stone unturned for their well-being, even at any personal cost to themselves. They watch this behavior all their life and don’t understand what a great sacrifice it really is. Kids don’t acknowledge or feel or express gratitude to their mothers for such selfless acts because they have never seen their mothers exist any other way. But this isn’t just regular material instincts. Although it is natural to want to protect and care for your baby, self-sabotaging yourself in the process is not the way to go about accomplishing this.
What Are The Symptoms Of Burnt Toast Syndrome?
1. You Start To Shut Everyone Out
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Mothers are human too. And they deserve to have interests , hobbies and a social life apart from their kids. You deserve to interact with your peers who will understand you and encourage you. Shutting everyone out simply to focus solely on taking care of your child isn’t helping for you or the child. Sure you might need to be left alone for the first couple of months after the baby arrives and that’s understandable, but try to slowly reintroduce people into your life instead of avoiding them completely. After all, it takes a village to raise a child and the more help you have the merrier!
2. You Deny Yourself Basic Necessities To Function Well
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Being selfless when it comes to your kids is all well and good when it is not detrimental to your own well being. You can let them have the last slice of pizza. But sacrificing meals, rest and precious moments to yourself just to show them you care is a little overboard. You can show your little ones you love them while still fueling your body with nutritious food alongside them and getting a good night’s sleep. Enjoy your life and this will show your kids how to enjoy theirs!
3. You Constantly Hide Your Feelings And Neglect Your Needs
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You have an unconditional love for your family, but that doesn’t mean that you must deny yourself of love. You deserve love and attention for all the compromises you make. And this means communicating to your family when you are feeling particularly stressed and overwhelmed due to home life. Your family cares about you, just like you do them, so if there are little things that they can change in order to make your life easier, let them. There’s no need to hold in all your feelings of neglect and frustration. Simply communicate with your family and they will understand!
Your family is a unit that will always have your back. And yes, even though you are responsible for taking care of the kids, this doesn’t mean that you stop taking care of yourself. Remember, the family works better when the mother is happy and healthy, so don’t let burnt toast syndrome burn you!
